


Tabula Rasa - The 100, Lost

by ninusch



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Bellarke, Canon-Typical Violence, Clexa, F/F, F/M, Flarke, Harpoe, Lintavia, Lost - Freeform, Lost AU, M/M, Plane Crash, Shit will go down, Stranded on an Island, Survival, TV AU, bellarke-centric, lost crossover, minty, rellamy, the 100 crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninusch/pseuds/ninusch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin fell from the sky with 47 other survivors of the Oceanic Flight 815 Sydney to L.A. They are stranded on an unknown island with little hope of being rescued.  </p><p>Relationships are formed, tested and end while they fight for water, food, control and survival. They fight with each other and for each other and with the secrets, that followed them on the island and soon they find out ... they are not alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 01 - Tabula Rasa

**Author's Note:**

> None of the characters are mine. This fanfiction will follow the storyline of the Lost series - sometimes very closely, sometimes more deliberate. English is my second language, I'm forever working on this. Tips and pointers are appreciated. I made this for my own and any readers enjoyment.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: http://reason-plans-serendipity.tumblr.com/

When Clarke Griffin opened her eyes, she was surrounded by bamboo.

She jerked up. Her heart and her lungs were racing and laboring in her chest like they were catching up on the time she had no recollection of. There was a sharp pain in her back. It felt wet. Something tingled in the back of her neck and when she turned, she saw a white labrador stalking towards her. He stopped short, regarded her with dark eyes and jogged on.

With great effort she pushed herself to her knees and then to her feet. She found a small bottle of vodka in the pocket of her blazer, before she reached underneath it. When her fingertips came back they were red. She felt the blood running down beneath her black dress.

This was the moment when the noise reached her, a deep roaring and muffled screams. With weak limbs and clinging from tree to tree she followed them, first staggering, then jogging and finally running towards the cacophony of sounds. She lost her high heels somewhere on the way, and she felt the sand between her toes before she saw the beach.   
  
It was a nightmare become reality.

Flames.

People ran around confused and disorientated.

Torn pieces of metal.

Blood.

A black man staggered away from the wreckage on weak legs, supporting a younger man on his shoulders.

Smoke.

A pregnant woman, clutching her belly, just stood there and screamed.

The jet engine was still running, causing the uproar that carried inland.

A dark-haired girl performed CPR on a woman in the sand.

The plane’s wing was reaching upwards, and the waves of the ocean rolled towards it. 

This was when Clarke understood.

 

She had been in that plane. 

Then, she fell from the sky.

 

With a snap, Clarke started to move, the pain in her back forgotten. Her feet carried her to the first body lying on the ground, a middle-aged man. He was dead. She moved on, but most people on the wreckage site were beyond help.

She reached the pregnant woman. „You have to move her away from here, you are too close!“ 

Clarke had to shout against the sound of the jet engine and when she turned around, her eyes fell on a lanky guy in a band shirt and broken sunglasses in his hand: „You! With the sunglasses, come here! Get her away from the wreckage, bring her to the trees in the shadow, sit her down.“

„It … we crashed.“ He stammered.

„I know. Look, do you feel any pain?“ Clarke checked the woman for major injuries. The girl had stopped screaming and just shook her head.

„We survived“ The man continued.

„I know that, too. Go, help her go to the trees. Stay with her. Do not leave her side, you understand me? If something happens, call out for me.“ 

She turned, ready to run to the next person, when he asked: „What’s your name?“

„Clarke. I’m a doctor. Stay with her!“

When she was sitting next to a man with a torn thorax, someone walked too close past the running engine, and got sucked in. An explosion erupted, and Clarke was pushed back by the shock wave, hitting her head hard against a suitcase on the sand. For a moment she thought her stomach would recoil. She moaned in pain when someone grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

He had long dark hair and a bloody gash on his forehead: „Are you all right?“

She just nodded, pushed herself up and went on. 

* * *

 

People were wandering around the wreck aimlessly and Finn shielded his eyes from the bright, tropical sun. The gash on his forehead had stopped bleeding and miraculously he had no other, major injuries from the crash.

A few meters away a brown haired man with a hard face and cold blue eyes lighted a cigarette, walking back and forth over the wing of the plane.

A young woman with dirty blonde hair and a leash in her hands, asked everyone if they’ve seen a dog.

An asian man was sitting close to the water, his arms thrown around his knees, and two dark-skinned men, one older, one younger, were involved in an emotional debate, gesturing and pointing.

Finn guessed, that is was almost four hours since they crashed. First the tail section broke away, people were sucked out of the broken shell of the plane, screaming. Than the front section broke away too. When he woke up in the middle of the crash site, he had been alone.

People have been helping others to get away from the plane, sometimes they just stood and stared. She was not among them. The tail section of the plane was nowhere in sight.

It was hard to draw in the next breath of air.

He sighed. He could still feel the warmth of the fires hot against his skin and the smoke thick in his throat.

It would be dark soon, people would need a fire.

Finn started collecting wood.

* * *

 

It felt like hours but it might just have been minutes until she was a little further in a secluded corner up the beach, alone, with the small bottle of vodka in her hand. She had found a travel sewing kit in one of the hand luggages.

Slowly Clarke took of the blazer. With careful movements she reached for the zipper underneath her left armpit and slowly slipped out of the upper part of the black etui dress. Her fingers probed the flesh where she suspected the cut and she hissed in pain, realizing she could not reach it to stich herself up.

Suddenly, the pain in her back became too much and the insanity of the situation hit her hard.

She fell from the sky.

She survived. So many others died.

She fell from the sky, when hours before all she wanted was to be dead, too.

Tears were flooding her eyes. It was too much.

„Hey … Are you the doctor?“ a voice called out.

Clarke turned and saw a tall man with curly hair standing in the beach and looking towards her. His clothes were caked in bloodied sand.

Clarke blinked against the sun for a few times. „Are you hurt?“

He shook his head, „No. Nothing major. But there is this man, shrapnel in his chest. A guy told me some blonde woman said she’s a doctor. Is that you?“

Clarke licked her dried lips and nodded. 

„You ever used a needle before?“ she asked.

He looked at her, aghast. „What?“

„Have you ever sewed? Patched a pair of jeans?“

He started laughing. Clarke furrowed her brow and started to feel self-conscious in her partial state of undress. „Thats … not really funny …“

„Look, I’m …, it’s just … Yes, I can sew. My mum was a seamstress, she showed me.“ He smiled and it did something to his face. Clarke nodded.

„I … I could use a little help here.“ Helplessly she turned and showed him her side.

He became somber immediately. „Never sewed something like that before.“

„Look, I would do it myself but I can’t reach it. You can do this, I’m telling you.“

He nodded. „No, of course. I'm helping you.“

They sat down in the sand and she gave him the vodka: „For your hands. But safe me some for the wound.“

„Any color preference? Or is standard black all right with you?“

Clarke couldn’t help herself, now she laughed too and then winced when it resonated painfully in her side.

„Sorry“ the man said, and she felt his hand touching her back to support her. „You want a sip of the stuff? Before?“

She nodded and it burned her throat. It went immediately to her head, but it didn’t matter much. When he poured the rest over her, her fingers were clutching into the sand and a gasp escaped her that turned into a sob when the needle pierced the skin.

* * *

  


„It’s impossible!“

„But it’s happening. I can move my feet, my legs! I’m _standing_ in front of you, son!“

„It must be the shock.“

„I’m healed.“

„Dad …“

„Wells, look at me. I’m standing right in front of you, I pulled you out from underneath a piece of the wreckage myself, walked you to safety …“

„I know, Dad, but …“

„We survived a plane crash with just a few scratches. This … is _fate_.“

* * *

 

„Vincent? Come here, boy. Come here! Vincent!“ Harper called out and walked along the edge of the jungle, flicking the red dog leash against her thigh. She did not dare to go in. Not yet.

„Who is Vincent?“, she turned around and saw a dark, broody-looking man with a beanie standing behind her. He handed her one of those airline-meal trays.

„My dog.“

„You think he made it?“

Harper looked at the food and handed him the tray back. „I’m sorry, but I’m not hungry.“

„Might be a while till the rescue party is coming.“

„Thanks, but … I don’t think I can eat right now.“

He just nodded. „Good luck with your dog.“

Then he left and Harper saw him passing her tray to a red-haired girl at the crash site. She turned around again, and went back to where she had found the empty transport kennel.

* * *

 

„Count.“

„What?“

„Count. It helps to concentrate on something else. Trick I’ve learned in the army.“ The needle pierced her skin again and she was breathing hard through her nose. 

„You don't seem afraid at all“ she said.

„Neither do you.“

Clarke hissed. „I am. I haven’t felt this afraid since the start of my residency."

He was silent for a moment. Then … „What happened?“

Clarke hesitated for moment. But then it poured out of her. It was easy, because he was sitting behind her. She could not see his face. 

„I had to do my first solo procedure on a sixteen year old girl. She almost died, because after 13 hours of surgery I accidentally cut a nerve sack. It ripped open. I didn’t knew what to do. My mother was there, in the gallery. She is a surgeon, too. She called my name through the intercom and … I snapped back in. Went to work, fixed it. The girl was fine. But … now …“ her voice wavered.

„Fear is a demon“ he said, his voice having a calming effect on her, „The terror is so real, so close. My mum always used to tell me to slay my demons. But at the start of my first tour, I was so terrified I could not function anymore. I messed everything up. So my commanding officer said to me that sooner or later I’d have to deal with it or go home. So I made a choice: I’d let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing. But only for five seconds, thats all I was going to give it. I started to count … one … two … three … four … five. And it was done. I had two more tours after.“ 

His fingers ghosted over her skin, she felt him leaning towards her, a short, painful strain when he bit the yarn.

„You okay?“

She nodded.

He helped her back into her dress, than offered her his hand.

„I’m Bellamy.“

„Clarke.“

* * *

 

It got dark, but Jasper did not notice. He had found a pen in the wreck he now used to color his taped hands. 

L O S T

 

„Hey you, … Whats your name?“

Jasper looked up and saw a man with a few long logs of wood standing in front of him.

„You built that fire?“, he asked.

„Yes.“

„ _Amazing!_ “

„Whats you name?“

Jasper scrambled to his feet and pocketed the pen. „Me? Jasper … I’m Jasper.“

The man extended an arm, offering him one of the logs. „Jasper. Why don't you help with it, keep it running? No one will see it if it isn't big.“

Jasper looked at the timber in his arms, feeling the energy of a sense of purpose with this new task. „Okay. I’m on it, I’m on it. What’s your name?“

„Finn.“

„Finn? Okay, Finn, I’m on it.“

The man clapped his shoulder in, what Jasper found, camaraderie and went away, probably to find more wood.

Jasper stood there for a moment, flabbergasted. _How does one attend to a fire?_

Then he just threw the log into it and the flames erupted for a second, sparks flying away with the wind when he saw the pregnant girl again, Maya, with her feet in the water, and thought for himself, that this must really _suck_ for her.

* * *

  


Somehow Bellamy found her a small flashlight.

Clarke was kneeing next to the man who had a big piece of shrapnel sticking out of his chest. There was blood, but not so much as to have Clarke getting nervous about it already.

A woman was standing next to them, her hands in her waist and a dark look on her face. „Is he going to live?“

Bellamy looked between the woman and the man on the ground: „Do you know him?“

The woman, Anya, answered with careful voice: „He was sitting next to me.“

Clarke sat back on her heels, and wiped away some stray locks of hair from her damp forehead:„I’m not sure. If the rescue team comes quickly, and if they have a chance to airlift him to a hospital … yes. I think he can made it.“

Bellamy focused on her. „And if not?“

Clarke thought about this for a long moment.

„I don't want to know.“

* * *

  


It got dark.  No one came.

That was when they heard _it_ the first time.


	2. Day 02 - Par Avion

„We should look for the cockpit.“

Bellamy regarded the young man in front of him. His name was Wells Jaha, and he had shared their fire last night, together with Clarke, Anya and his father Theolonius.

Clarke looked up from where she was crouching next to the man with the shrapnel-wound. „Why?“

„We could find the transceiver and send out a distress signal. To help the rescue party find us.“

„Are you a pilot?“

„No. I took classes once, but I wasn’t good at it.“

„I saw smoke, through the valley yesterday“, a third voice said behind them and when Clarke turned, she saw the man with the gash on his forehead standing there. The one who had helped her after the jet engine exploded.

„I’m Finn. And I don’t know about you, but I think the sooner we get away from this Island and whatever it was last night the better.“ He gave her a small smile, then he looked back to Bellamy and Wells, „I can lead us there.“

Bellamy nodded, one finger against the dimple in his chin. „You are right. We need to get off of this island. And we might find food and fresh water on the way.“ 

Clarke stood up. „If you are going for the cockpit, I’m coming with you.“

Without missing a beat, Bellamy shook his head. „No, it’s too dangerous.“

„This is not your decision, Bellamy.“

He sighed. „There is god-knows-what out there, Clarke. You heard it last night. The others are going crazy over this.“He gestured towards the big assembly near the fuselage, the turmoil of voices coming and going with theories about what it was they had witnessed. 

It had been like out of this world. Loud shrieks, roars like coming from a monstrous, unknown, wild animal while whole parts of the jungle were being ripped out of the earth and the beach beneath them shook like in an earthquake.

„Clarke, you are the only doctor we have, and if something happens, we …“

„Exactly! What if there are survivors in the front section? Wounded, that need medical treatment? I’m going, Bellamy.“ She stared him down.

Wells cleared his throat. „Look, I'm sorry, but it looks like we have to hike a long way. Do you really want to go, in that dress? Without shoes?“

Clarke looked at her tight dress and her bare feet.

„What about your wound?“, Bellamy added softly. 

Clarke ignored him. „I find something else to wear. You are not leaving without me.“ 

She turned and marched determined toward the fuselage to raid some of the suitcases.

Wells sighed. „Someone should tell the others.“  


Finn jerked his chin towards Bellamy. „How about you? Looks like you are used to giving orders.“  


Bellamy narrowed his eyes at him. „Get us some water for the way.“

 

When Clarke returned she was wearing jeans, hiking shoes that were a bit too big and a button-down shirt over a T-Shirt. She also found a backpack that Wells filled with water bottles and strapped on.

„Let’s go. Where is he?“

Finn pointed behind her, and she saw Bellamy arguing with the dark haired girl she recognized from the crash site yesterday. They did not exactly looked alike, but had a similarity in their anger. Bellamy was clearly frustrated while he gestured towards the jungle and the fuselage and the girl, and suddenly she stomped with one foot on the ground. She was young. He raised a finger to her and gave her a short, curt order, and the girl turned with flying hair and marched away. Bellamy let his head fell for a moment and then jogged towards them.

Clarke tilted her head. The girl was not necessarily too old to be his daughter but it still didn’t seem to fit. _Sister, maybe?_

„Well, he certainly _likes_ to give orders“ Finn remarked and she snorted, „Apparently he is or was in the army.“

„Let’s go, what are you waiting for?“ Bellamy growled and walked straight past them towards the edge of the jungle.

„Well, if the shoe fits …“ Finn sighed and Clarke had to laugh. Then they started following him inland.

* * *

 

The humidity had their clothes cling to their skin early on the way. Clarke was astonished at first by the surrounding nature, but her opinion sobered quickly when they found no source of fresh water or encountered any animals on their way. While walking Finn pointed out a few plants and fruits that were eatable. When Wells asked he told them that his grandfather had taught him to hunt and track as a child. He now lived as author of travel-literature in Sydney and had picked up a few things along the way.

Wells nodded. „I’m a law student. I take my bar exam in a few months. Not much use now, but when we sue Oceanic Airlines, I’m all in.“

„And, of course, we all know what the princess does for a living!“ Finn laughed and Clarke frowned, „Princess?“

„If the shoe fits …“ Finn teased. Bellamy huffed in front of her, that might as well could have been a short bark of laughter. Clarke did not respond. She was too much out of breath for that.

They broke through the jungle into a valley between two mountain peaks and Bellamy called for a break, when suddenly the sky darkened and the downpour began. Within seconds they were drenched to their skin but the rain was too warm to be refreshing.

That was when they heard _it_ again. 

The roaring, the breaking of trees. The earth shock beneath them, and without thinking Bellamy crouched down, pulling Clarke down with him while his eyes were trained on the far end of the valley where a shadow moved beneath the tree line.

Finn had his hand on Clarke’s back, shielding her with his body.

„It’s moving in the opposite direction“ Wells whispered after a few moments of waiting and Bellamy ran his fingers through his wet hair. „Could anyone see what it is?“

„No.“

With a racing pulse but a little annoyed Clarke removed herself from the protective grips of both men and shielded her eyes from the rain. There was no movement anymore.

They waited a couple of minutes to be sure that whatever it was had vanished behind the eastern mountain peak. With new found determination they quietly marched on.  


* * *

  


When they found the front section of the plane, it was way past noon and still raining. The nose of the plane was pointing upwards, resting heavily on a group of trees, slightly swaying and groaning.

When they called out, no one answered.

Finn was the first to enter through the fracture with Bellamy close on his heels. Wells was hesitating behind her when she reached for one of the seats as handhold and pulled herself upwards along the steep slope of the aisle. The metal groaned under the movement of their climbing, while Clarke checked the pulse of every person she found still in their seat. They were all dead.

Bellamy and Finn reached the door to the cockpit and pulled themselves into the small room with labored breathing. Clarke extended an arm and Bellamy pulled her into the small cockpit as well and out of breath she leaned against the wall panel. The air was heavy with the scent of wet jungle, the metallic odor of blood and the occasional sharp sting of sweat from the two men and herself in the tiny compartment.

One of the pilots was still strapped in his seat with eyes closed and wet from the rain that poured in through a broken window on her right.

„What does a transceiver look like?“, Finn asked when suddenly, with a heavy cough, the pilot stirred. 

Clarke pushed Finn out of her way. The pilot was bleeding from various cuts on his face and there was a big wound on his stomach that colored his white uniform in a deep red. He groaned, when Clarke pulled his eyes open to check his pupillary response.

„How many survived?“, he asked with thin voice.

„At least 48“, Clarke lifted a bottle of water to his lips. The red-haired man choked on the water and coughed again, and this time blood sprayed out of his mouth, hitting Clarke on the clothes and in the face.

„Has anybody … found …“

„No, not yet. It's 16 hours now. Stay still, you probably have internal bleeding.“

„No, look … _look!_ … You need … to know“, his head rolled around as he was trying to concentrate.Clarke swore under her breath. She checked his pulse but found it was getting weaker with every second.

„Six hours in … we lost contact. The radio was … out“, he chocked again. Clarke looked desperately to the others and they saw in her eyes that the pilot was beyond saving.

„No one could see us, so we turned to … land in Fiji. By the time we hit the … turbulence, we were thousand miles off course.“

It was silent for a moment. 

„They are looking for us in the wrong place.“ Wells voice was thin.

The pilot nodded and when a coughing fit hit him, more blood came through his mouth.

„Ok, ok, keep still“, Bellamy pushed her back, forcing the dying pilot to look at him. Clarke hissed at him, but he ignored her. „Were is the transceiver? Tell us, where we can find it!“

The pilots eyes were racing around and he lifted one of his arms, gasping for air but pointing behind his seat nevertheless. With a haste Finn produced what looked like a big walkie-talkie and immediately started pressing the buttons, but they only heard static.

„It’s not working! Do you have a second transceiver somewhere? Anything that can help us, flares or …“, Bellamy turned back to the pilot, but his eyes were empty.

* * *

  

Clarke pushed Bellamy back to the other seat in the cockpit and the plane was groaning under the movement.

„That was not necessary!“ Her voice was low and angry, while she closed the pilots eyes forever. Bellamy shot back. „Apparently it was! He was dying. Now, at least, we have the transceiver. Let’s look for anything we could use for …“

Clarke open her mouth to give him a piece of her mind when a piercing shriek was booming directly above them.

The plane shook and Clarke crushed against the dead body in front of her when she heard Wells falling backwards against the rows of the former first class section. Something shattered. Her hand found Bellamy’s arm next to her and they starred at each other with wide eyes before Finn whispered: „ _It_ is right outside.“

A large shadow passed by the cockpit. A scream clogged her throat while her heart was hammering against her chest.

The plane wavered again, a loud uproar and Clarke was tossed hard against the edge of the control board, when _it_ clashed against the metal. The trees, that were holding the nose of the cockpit upwards, smashed and the plane crashed on the ground.

The world was spinning around Clarke when Wells shouted: „We got to get out of here!“ Finn was reaching for her while Bellamy fumbled for the transceiver. 

„Now! Go! Go! _Go!_ “

Clarke had no orientation whatsoever when someone pushed her to her feet and out of the cockpit. Her primal survival instincts kicked in and she started to run. A high-pitched roar sounded behind her and she saw shadows moving from the corner of her eyes. When she hit the outside, rain clouded her view and soon she lost Wells in front of her and could not hear Finn or Bellamy behind her while she ran skidding through the jungle, alone.

The scream finally tore out of her, when someone pulled her into the hollow heart of a group of bamboo trees.

Wells had his finger against his lips and they starred into the thick wall of jungle with wide eyes and listend intensely to their surroundings. But they heard nothing else than rain hitting the ground and their own hard breathing.

„Where are Finn and Bellamy?“ she finally whispered.

„I don't know.“

Clarke stumbled backwards and pressed herself into the bamboo until her wound started hurting again. Water was crashing down on her.

_One_.

She started crying. Her whole body quivered.

_Two._

She missed her dad so much.

_Three._

How could she tell the girl Bellamy had talked to that that monster had killed him?

_Four._

Wells next to hear was mumbling something that sounded like a prayer. She wondered if it helped if she would believe.

_Five!_

Clarke took a deep breath. Her body was still shaking. But it was done. Yet, her voice sounded tougher than she felt: „We got to look for them.“

„What if the monster is still out there?“ Wells whispered back.

„We have to. Bellamy had the transceiver.“

_It’s done. I’m not afraid. It’s done. I have to find them. We need the transceiver. It’s done. It’s done._

The rain stopped, everything was quiet around them expect hers and Wells's steps on the muddy soil. Then … „Clarke!“ 

She wiped around and saw Finn coming out from the bushes with Bellamy behind him. They were caked in mud.

„You okay?“, Bellamy ask them both, but his eyes were fixed on her and she nodded and her body moved forward like he wanted to embrace him and but Wells next to her asked in the same moment, if they saw the monster and she froze mid-movement. She remembered what happened, and he looked away. Finn leaned down on his knees and huffed „No, it was right behind us. We dove into the bushes. We heard you scream, Clarke.“

„We got to go back to the beach.“ Bellamy stared at the transceiver in his hands.

 

They nodded, and every one of them realized the implication of what they learned from the dead pilot. 

No one was coming for them.


	3. Day 03 - Confirmed Dead

„I have to remove the shrapnel.“ Clarke wiped her blonde hair away from her face.

„I thought you said that the shrapnel is stopping him from bleeding to death.“ Bellamy crouched next to her in the sand.

„I know what I said. But that was when I was still thinking that a rescue party would come and he would be in a hospital now. If I leave the shrapnel inside, he dies within the day. If I remove it … and can stop the bleeding … and can prevent a sepsis … and find antibiotics … and somehow prevent him from waking up during the procedure ….“

„That are a lot of ‚ifs’“

„You don't say.“ She raised one eyebrow at him.

Bellamy seized her up with a critical look. „When was the last time you slept more than a few hours?“

„Sydney.“

„Go to sleep, Clarke. You need to be sharp when you do this.“

She nodded and stifled a yawn. She didn’t told him about her nightmares. As soon as she tried to sleep, she could hear _it_ coming at her again. So, instead of sleeping, she had watched the wounded man, who's fever increased rapidly, while she contemplated her best course of action.

„How are they keeping up?“, she asked motioning towards the fuselage, where the rest of the survivors had gathered to sort through the suitcases, dividing practical from impractical things.

After they returned from their trip inland, visibly shaken, Bellamy had held a speech. He told them about the cockpit and the transceiver. He told them about the changed course of their flight. He told them not to lose hope. He did not, however, tell them about their encounter with the monster or that they found no water source. He suggested to start sorting out the fuselage.

When he asked for someone to help with the transceiver, no one rose his hand. Only after he showed it to them, the shy asian man stepped forward. When it turned out that he did not speak English, Clarke was ready to just curl in a tight ball somewhere and get started on a heavy tan. Monty Green, however, had been adamant that he wanted to have a look at the transceiver. He tinkered away since then and yet, nothing was to be heard beside static. They could not communicate with him why that was.

Some of the survivors started to take on different responsibilities. Wells father, Theolonius Jaha, teamed up with Finn to go find food in the adjoining parts of the woods. Others set up makeshift tarpaulin-tanks to catch the rain water that came and went accurately at noon. Most were moving their camp further away from the fuselage.The pregnant girl Maya was determined to gather all the personal belongings like documents, diaries or photos from the victims of the crash. She was always closely followed by Jasper, a punk-emo kid with chipped black nail polish and a pale, sickly complexion, who apparently had taken Clarke's command, to stay and watch the pregnant woman, very, _very_ seriously. He barely left her side. She didn’t seem to mind.

This was how they found out that the wounded man with the shrapnel was actually an air marshal. Jasper brought them the badge.

When Finn returned from their first gathering tour, he had a somber expression on his face and showed her, Bellamy and Anya the handcuffs someone found in the jungle.

„What does that mean?“

„Means that the air marshal was probably escorting someone to L.A. on our flight. Someone who needed to be cuffed… and survived.“

Anya was silent and Bellamy, who hadn’t said a word to this point, cleared his throat. „Okay. Let’s keep this between us for a while. We don’t know what this is about yet.“

„ _What_?! How many more secrets do you want to keep from them?“, Finn was angry.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes, clearly feeling challenged. „As much as necessary to keep them from turning on each other.“

Clarke and Anya instinctively stepped between the two men.

„Until someone gets hurt, you mean?! Or worse? What if there is a rapist out there, or a murderer? How do you want to deal with that, Bellamy?“

„Listen very closely, you prick …“

„Boys!“, Clarke raised her voice and both man looked at her in surprise. 

„This is no use! We have more urgent issues to deal with right now than incriminate each other or fight it out! Until we know more, lets keep this low. But be careful. No one should tour around alone anyway, not with that monster out there. So, if you are quite done with your peeing contest, go and get useful somewhere.“ 

Clarke turned around to the make-shift shelter that had become her doctors office. With a final deadly glare at Finn, Bellamy marched away as well.

„Who named him king?“ Finn huffed to Anya, who just looked at him, deadpan.  


* * *

Clarke removed the shrapnel and it was bad.

The man woke up during the procedure. With a loud yell he grabbed her with both hands around her neck and started chocking her, but was wrestled down by Wells and Harper who had volunteered to assist. When Bellamy saw her bruised neck later he had a wild look in his eyes and Clarke was happy that he hadn't been there during the surgery.

The marshal pulled out a big junk of her hair and trashed around and hissed that he needed to „get her“, that she was dangerous. But he did not answer who „she“ was. He did not regain consciousness again. It wasn’t long after that, that his fever increased and his skin started to turn yellow. He breathing got labored and his abdomen hardened.

„His wound is infected“ Clarke said when she got water from one of the tanks on the beach.

„What do you need?“

„The right kind of antibiotics?“

Finn shook his head. „I brought you everything that we found in the fuselage. What if they don't work?“

„His body will shut down. One part at a time.“

„Will he suffer? Will it be quick?“

„No, it won't be quick. It will be two or three days, maybe four.“

„And he will feel it?“

„Every minute of it.“

„Can you do something to … _help_ it?“ Finns voice got very low at the end of his sentence.

Clarke looked at him. She did not answer.  


* * *

That night, the marshal started groaning and screaming because of the pain. A lot of people, sitting around the fires, were clutching their ears.

„I wish he would just … die already“ Jasper whispered and Maya, who was holding her belly, looked at him, shocked.

Jasper shrugged. „I mean, just listen to it! This is not humane.“

Clarke ran in and out of the tent, like haunted, when close to morning the older Jaha approached her. „Can I do anything to help?“

„There is nothing you could do.“

She heard the distant screaming and sobbing of the marshal and she felt so helpless.

„The people are getting upset.“ Jaha confided. 

„I’m trying to save his life!“

The older man crossed his arms in front of his chest, regarded her with small eyes and said softly „Rumor has it you can’t, Clarke.“

A gun shot echoed through the beach, and the screaming stopped. 

Clarke dropped the two plastic bottles she had been carrying and ran towards her tent.

„What happened?!“ It was Bellamy, shouting behind her.

The tent flaps brushed against the small colt in his hands. She saw the brown haired man with the sharp face emerging, and he looked at her with cold eyes.

„What did you do?!“ She shrieked.

„What you couldn't, princess.“ The man, John Murphy, rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, „I get were your coming from, being a doctor and all. But you said it yourself, he had no chance and he would suffer.“

Bellamy rushed past her, and with trained movements took the gun from the man. He checked it and clicked on the safety. Murphy, who had stumbled back a few steps, straightened his shirt, hard lines etched on his face. „I don’t like it more than you do, pal, but something had to be done! Someone with guts had to do it.“

Bellamy wanted to reply when suddenly, a wet cough rung out of the tent. Murphy’s eyes widened.

„What … did … you … _do_?“ Clarke hissed.

„I … was aiming for his heart.“

She ran inside, followed by Murphy, Bellamy and Jaha. Bloody bubbles rose from the corner of the marshals mouth and he was gasping for air with wet, throaty sounds. „You missed! You perforated his lung. Now it will take _hours_ till he bleeds to death if he does not drown in his own blood before!“

„I wanted to spare him pain!“, Murphy shouted. But Bellamy grasped him at his collar and threw him out of the tent. Outside he seized the man with cold eyes while he put the gun into the waistband of his jeans. „You screwed it up. Where did you get the gun?“

„Found it in the fuselage.“

„Did you now?“

„It’s not mine. I just found it!“

„Why didn’t you hand it over?“

„Why should I, Bellamy?! Who are you? The new fucking sheriff in town?! Fuck you!“

The death rattle sounds of the marshal thudded from the tent. He groaned. Then he stopped.

All eyes were trained on the entrance, when Clarke emerged, tangled hair and tears on her cheek. She held a razor blade and her hands were soaked in blood. Lips pressed to a thin, pale line she slowly walked up to Murphy and slapped him hard across the cheek. It left a bloody handprint on his white skin.

„Get out of my sight, Murphy“ she whispered with dead voice.

Without another word in return, he turned and stumbled into the darkness.

* * *

Bellamy washed his face with a bit of water, T-Shirt wrung out over one of his shoulders and the hard barrel of the colt pressing into his back, when Anya came up behind him. When he turned around, he saw she had a Halliburton suitcase in her hand. Her gaze was defiant.

„What is this?“

„That gun ... it belonged to the marshal. He smuggled it on board in a strap around his ankle. This case belonged him, too. He had to check it when we entered the plane. I believe Clarke found his keys in his jacket.“

Bellamy stood up and received the case from her hands.

„How do you know it was his?“

„I know.“

„ _How?_ “

„Because it was me who he escorted back to L.A.“

Bellamy nodded in the direction of her wrists where scab started to cover deep wounds. „How did you lose the handcuffs in the jungle without the keys?“

She straightened up and was now eye-to-eye with him. „I was a cop, Bellamy. I may have done something that required a marshal to escort me, but I still know how to open handcuffs. When we hit the turbulence something fell from the overhead locker, hit him in the head. He went out like a light. I got these wound when I strained against the cuffs to reach the respirators for us both. The small sliver key on the chain can open the Halliburton. You will find four guns, five boxes of amo and a mugshot of me. Nothing more.“

Bellamy regarded her with a long look. „Will I find something personal of yours? Something you want to keep?“

„The last personal thing, I took care of in Sydney.“

They eyed each other. In a low, warning voice he asked, „Do I need to worry?“

„No.“

He nodded. „Then no one needs to know.“

She was speechless for a moment. „Why?“

„It doesn’t matter what we were, Anya. What we did before the crash. Three days ago, we all died. We should all be able to start over.“

Anya nodded. Than she smirked. „Prince Charming won't like that.“

„I don’t care what Finn thinks.“

She eyed him suspiciously. „What will you do with the guns?“

„Check if they are working. Lock the case and hide it somewhere.“

„Who will get the key? Do I need to worry, Bellamy?“

His laugh was humorless. „You are a cop all right. How about I give it to the princess?“

Anya thought for a moment. Then she nodded. „Clarke is a good idea.“

„Thanks for telling me, Anya.“

Without another word she turned and left his tent.


	4. Day 04 - Because You Left

„I see you have found your suitcase.“

Octavia opened her eyes and lifted herself up onto her elbows. Bellamy was towering over her, arms crossed over his chest. 

„You are blocking the sun, Dumb-Bell.“ She tugged her bikini in place and laid back, closing her eyes again.

„You know the rest of the people are working to set up more permanent tents. You could help.“

„You could stop talking and leave me alone.“

He sighed.

„I saved you the last“, something dropped on her stomach and when she opened one eye, she saw a granola bar. „I don't eat chocolate.“

„We might not have chocolate for a very long time, Octavia.“

„Than give it to the blonde doctor you want to fuck.“

„Jesus, Octavia.“

„What? Is your 16-year old half-sister shocking you?“

He sat down next to her. „Look. I’m sorry that this happened. That all of this happened to us, O, but …“

„Don’t call me ‚O‘!“, she sat up and stared at him with angry eyes, „Only mum got to call me that. You have no right. I didn’t even wanted you to come to the funeral.“

Bellamy’s mouth opened and closed again and she saw that she had hurt him. _Good_. She wanted to cut him deep.

„I miss her, too.“

„You haven’t talked to her, or me for that matter, in ten years, Bellamy. I have a hard time believing that.“

„That doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about you.“

„I don’t care, Bellamy“, she blinked away angry tears, „It’s your fault, you know that? It’s all your fault! That mum dragged me to the other goddamn edge of the world, and that she cried herself to sleep every time there were news about killed soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. I was taking care of myself all right! I don’t need my estranged brother as guardian, but no! You _had_ to come all the way to Sydney and you could barely wait after the funeral to drag me back, forcing me on that one goddamn flight that would steer a thousand goddamn miles of course and crash on a fucking forsaken island with a bloody monster on it and little to no hope of rescue!“

Bellamy starred out on the ocean, and when he looked back at her, his eyes were cold. „Believe me, Octavia. Her, dying in a car accident … me, rushing to Sydney to take on the guardianship of my adolescent, selfish little sister and … _this_ … is not what I wanted for my thirtieth birthday either. I have my own life back in California, you know? You, and having to take care of you, was not part of that.“

Octavia laughed coldly. „You were having your own life all right! Being dishonorably discharged and all. A pending trial for murder? You were still reeking of booze when you got off the plane last week, and you couldn’t wait to get your first drink at the airport before we departed. You are not fit to take on any responsibility, Bellamy! Neither for me nor for 46 other people! Fuck, you will probably go to jail soon anyway and I will have to deal with authorities and raping foster parents for all that I know. So, yanking me away from my life back home and bringing me to the States … where was the sense in that anyway? You are probably so, _so_ happy we crashed here and you can play hero.“

Bellamy teeth were grinding together and they got into that starring contest they had probed the last seven days when they were back in her and her mothers house in Sydney, while he was throwing everything away in a haste, not caring about her feelings, about her mourning, barley giving her time to say goodbye to her old life, and _God_! She hated him so much.

Eventually, he got up and marched away.

Satisfied Octavia went back to sunbathing.

* * *

„There you go.“

Atom was an awkward 19-year old boy who took a liking to her. He was on his way back to L.A. after a gap year in Australia to go to Stanford University. After the crash she found him sorting through her suitcase and blushing when he produced her red bikini. It was fun flirting with him, getting him to do things for her, like get her water, lotion her back with sun blocker or set up a tent. Well, the first one, but it had been too far away from Bellamy’s for her half-brothers liking and he had a fit about it, which was so embarrassing and got her so angry that she was extra loud while setting it up a second time right next to his.

She gave him a dazzling smile and took the small tray with mango and some fish from him. „Thank you, Atom. You are so sweet.“ She looked at the sparse meal and regretted that she had been too proud to take the granola bar from Bellamy earlier.

He laughed awkward and sat down next to her, boldly closer than ever before, but then he was still jumping every time her elbow brushed his side and vice versa. She saw that Bellamy was eying them suspiciously and for good measure, she leaned in and pressed a kiss on Atom’s cheek.

The blonde doctor, who was talking with her brother, turned, followed Bellamy’s gaze and then laughed at his face. Maybe she wasn’t so bad. _Certainly too good for Dumb-Bell._

„So, what do you say?“ She asked Atom.

„I don’t think we should do that, Octavia.“

„Why not?“

„There is … a _monster_ out there in that jungle.“

She waved him off. „Well, I didn’t say ‚Let’s cross the whole goddamn island.‘ But I really need to shower or bath of something that is not salt-water. My hair is close to being ruined.“

„You hair is beautiful.“

She rolled her eyes. 

„Besides“ she teased „ just think about it. You would be a hero if you found a source of fresh water.“ She winked at him.

He starred at her and then he nodded. „When do you want to go?“  


* * *

„This is so spooky.“

„Get over it, Atom. We might be the first humans seeing this like _ever_! We are explorers. Man up!“

„I don’t think this was a good idea, Octavia. We are already very far inland, maybe we should head back? Bellamy is worried, for sure!“

She groaned, wiped around and stemmed her fists in her waist. „If you don’t like it, Atom, than turn and crawl back to the beach and my dumb-ass brother. I won’t.“

„Have you heard that?!“, Atoms voice was thin with fear when he put his head in his neck and carefully watched the barks of the trees surrounding him, like something could drop and attack them from above.

Octavia laughed. „Jesus, stop being so paranoid!“

„Aren’t you? You heard that monster too.“

She did. It scared the living crap out of her, but she was too proud to show it. _Hopefully Bellamy had already found out that I'm gone and is shitting his pants._

„Whatever. I mean, it’s sucks big time being stuck here, but … _look at this!_ This … it’s truly beautiful.“ Something settled in her chest, something like content. She always liked being in the nature. She wondered if there were any woods close to where Bellamy lived in California?

„Okay, this time I defiantly heard something.“

„Get over it, Atom! Jesus.“

Octavia continued walking forward, ducking underneath vines and high bushes. A few meters ahead, she thought her eyes or the incoming light were playing a trick on her again, when she thought somebody was moving through the jungle on her far right. It was probably Atom.

_Atom_ … she hadn’t heard him complain in a while and turned around.

„Atom?“

She was alone.

„Atom?!“ she screamed and felt fear surging through her body, when, again, shadows were moving in the far corners of her sight.

„This is not funny, you prick!“ Her knees were jelly and she felt a scream building up in her chest, when suddenly she heard it: Trees crashing and being ripped apart.

She started running back from where she came from, screaming Bellamy’s name.

* * *

„So, what is it with you and your sister?“

Bellamy rubbed his eyes to keep him from rolling them at Jasper. The guy was decent, but he was borderline annoying. He had little to no control over his limps and there was something queer about him and Bellamy had not yet figured out what it was. Also, Jasper was clearly very much into a self-conceited fame, telling every one of the band he had founded and that had one hit single at some point. No one knew the band nor cared, but that didn’t prevented Jasper from talking about it.All. the. time.

„It’s complicated.“

„She is hot, man.“

Bellamy looked away from the pole he was using to fortify Mayas tent. „She is underage“, he warned.

„I’m just saying, man, I mean … we might be on this island a long, long time. And with you and Finn throwing your hats into the ring for Clarke already, some might not care about that, she being jailbait and all that.“

„If you don’t stop talking about her like that, I will punch you in the face, Jasper.“

Jasper finally understood the edge in Bellamy’s voice and lifted his hands in defense. „Sorry man. I was just saying …“

„Well, stop saying it then.“

„ _Bellamy!_ “

He turned and saw Wells father jogging towards him, „Look!“

He pointed towards the eastern mountain peak, and Bellamy saw it. The roof of the jungle was shaking and the knot in his stomach boiled painfully. _What the fuck its that thing?_

„Bellamy, an hour ago I saw your sister going into the jungle with Atom. They went in that direction.“

Bellamy stared at the middle-aged man in front of him.

_Octavia._

He turned around and sprinted to Clarke’s tent. She was sitting with a red-haired girl who was breathing heavy, but he didn’t cared that he sprayed them with sand when he stopped in front of them.

„Give me the key to the case!“

„What?“

„ _Give me the fucking key, Clarke!_ “

Flabbergasted Clarke pulled at the necklace she used to wear the key around her neck, and he didn’t wait until she had lifted it properly over her head before he snatched it away and, not giving any explanation, sprinted into the forest where they hid the case with the guns prior.

„What is it?“, someone called and Clarke shouted „Go after him, Wells. Quick!“ 

Then, Bellamy was surrounded by green.

He slid on his knees, ramming the key into the lock with shaking fingers, when Wells caught up on him. „Dude, what is up?“

„My sister went into the jungle, and that monster is going in the same direction.“

Without a further word, Wells gabbed a gun.  


* * *

 

When she slipped and fell, it knocked out all the air from her lungs and she was lying on the soil starring into the green roof of the surrounding nature.

Then she heard _it_ again.

Out of her mind with fear she crawled into the bush next to her. Her hard breathing thudded loud in her ears and her voice was whimpering without her consent, so she clamped both of her hands over her mouth and waited.

First, there was a strange silence, only wind ghosting through the jungle. Than she heard a soft groan, a whimper and suddenly, a shadow moved into her line of sight floating above the wet soil of the jungle. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of her cheeks.

The shadow lingered, jerking and ghosting over her hiding place.

Than, something snapped on the far left of her, and with an uproar the shadow vanished in pursuit.

Octavia was shaking too hard, breathing too loud, her palms sealed over her mouth in fear of making any sound. She counted to hundred two times, before she dared to let go.

Her limbs were stiff when she started to crawl out into the open, her ears trained on every single sound and jerking in fear every time something brushed her backside.

She sat up, breathing heavily with burning eyes and shaking hands, when she saw an odd shadow reflected in a puddle next to her knee.

She looked up, and then she screamed.  


* * *

 

He heard her scream, and ran faster. 

Bellamy turned around a group of trees, when he saw her kneeing on the floor, an arm pointing upwards, face consumed with fear.

He had the gun up in a too familiar grip, on hand under the handle to support the backlash, turning around 360 degrees, heart beating hard in his chest from his run, adrenaline activating all his senses being responsive to any kind of immanent danger.

Wells ran past by him, and asked Octavia if she was hurt, but she just kept pointing to the sky and whimpered his name.

Bellamy’s heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, as he switched the safety on, put the gun into his waistband and fell on the ground next to his little sister, pressing her tight against him, relieved when her arms embraced him too. He was breathing in the scent of her hair and let himself being flooded with relief.

„Bellamy …“

„Did you see it?“

She shook her head and pointed to the sky again.

He look up and his stomach clenched together. On the high branches of a tree, too high to reach, there was a bloody corpse.

Octavia whimpered. „Atom …“  


* * *

 

Back at the Beach, Octavia had thrown her arms around her knees and sobbed quietly, while she watched the ocean roll back and forth. The sun was setting in a spectacular set of colors, but she felt too numb to notice it really.

Somebody sat next to her in the sand and she did not have to look to know it was Bell.

„I’m sorry about what I said this morning. About me, not wanting to take care of you.“

She didn’t respond.

„When mum left with you, I bought a ticket to Sydney. I wanted to make up, but when I queued up to check in I got so angry with her again. I raised you, too, you know, I had as much right to see you growing up as her, but I also had the right to decide what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to study. The army gave me the chance to do that. I never boarded that flight, and this is the one thing I regret most in my life.“

They were silent for a while.

„She had a box full of letters under her bed. Letters she wrote to you, to apologize, to make up. I read them all, all the time when I was thirteen and I would imagine how my big brother would come one day and you two would reconcile and we would be a happy family again. She never posted them. When you emptied out the house, I was so angry at you that I didn’t tell you. I let you throw away the box without opening it. I’m sorry, too Bell.“

„I guess we are one stubborn family.“ He had tears in his eyes. She laughed and cried at the same time.

„I’m sorry about Atom, too.“

„He was nice boy. He would bring me food and was just nice to me, and I used him to make you angry. He didn’t deserve that.“

Again, it was a couple of minutes before Bellamy cleared his throat and produce a small wood figurine of a horse from behind his back. Octavia gasped and reached for it.

„I didn’t thought it had survived the crash!“

„It didn't. I made it. Like the last one. It's been a while since my last wood-shop class in school, so don't judge too harshly.“

„You made the old one, too?"

Bellamy looked at her disappointed. „You don't remember it was my gift? For your first birthday, you were teething like crazy. Mum and I, we barely slept. I used to read you the stories about the trojan wars at that time and you liked the part with the horse the best. You always preferred those kind of stories“ He laughed sharply, „I guess, you and I are both dark like that.“

Octavia pressed a kiss on Bellamy’s cheek. He laughed awkwardly, and she clutched the horse tighter.

„Thank you, Bell.“

Then she started to sob again and suddenly she was embraced in Bellamy’s arms, and she cried hard into his chest.

She cried for her mom, and her friends back home. She cried for her stupid big brother, and all the dead people she saw after the crash, and the woman she tried to revive but who died anyway with her mouth breathing for both of them. 

She cried for Atom.

He held her until she moved in his grip and when she surfaced, there were make-up smudges on his shirt. She felt stupid. Who needed to wear make-up when stranded on an island? They needed much more that that. Food. Water. Medicine. Hope.

Bellamy had a tender look on his face, when she asked„Is someone coming for us, Bell? To rescue us?“

„I don’t know, O.“


	5. Day 04 - Stranger in a Strange Land

The clashing of the waves against the boulders could have been relaxing if it wasn’t for his loneliness. 

Monty Green knew it could be worse. He could be, in fact, utterly alone. Well, him with that _island-monster_ whatever that was.

But he was not alone. 

There were 46 other survivors from Flight 815. 46 other people around him, making human noises. Sharing food and water. Setting up tents and living in them. Trying to do laundry. Failing at doing laundry so far. Trying not to be bored out of their minds.

There were 46 people around him that he could not understand.

Their language was foreign. What they said to him, he could not decipher. Most stopped trying by now and the chatter surrounding him only increased his feeling of loneliness and the helplessness since the crash.

Some words have started to distinguish themselves. _Island. Water. Guns. Monster. Transceiver. Clarke. Bellamy._

The bag with the transceiver was sitting behind him on the boulders and he huffed in frustration.

Monty Green had always been a patient man. One has to be patient if one works in a cubicle, 12 hours a day, just to come home to an empty apartment, to a fish and another computer. He was gifted when it came to computers. The practical side, however, the technical part had never come so easy to him. He had worked for it. But he started to doubt his abilities now since that brooding man _(Bellamy)_ and that blonde doctor _(Clarke)_ have been into the jungle _(island)_ and came back with the _transceiver_. He tried to get it to work with the few instruments he had at hand. But he figured out early on that something was blocking the signal. 

When he tried to tell them, they didn’t understand.

„We are not picking up a signal. We have no reception here on the beach. There are no bars. No bars! And the battery will run out if I keep trying.“

Bellamy and Clarke had looked at each other with lost expression.

„We can try to pick up a signal from higher ground. _Island_. _Island_.“ He had pointed towards the mountain peak, with Bellamy following his finger and immediately shaking his head. „ _No_.“ 

That word Monty knew, too. He had groaned in frustration and  Bellamy had made large movements with his arms. „ _No One. Is. Going. Into. The. Jungle. Monster._ “

Yeah, Monty was not eager to meet it whatever _it_ was.  
  
He had showed them the transceiver, pointed at it and pointed at the mountain peak. „I tried but there is feedback in the line. Maybe something is already transmitting. That means that there must be some kind of energy source on the island. It makes it possible for us to send a signal. _Other. Other. Transceiver. Other._ “

Clarke had looked at him with pity in her eyes, for herself as much as for him. „ _There is no second transceiver. This is the only one we got._ “

It made no sense.

„ _Other. Transceiver._ “ 

Bellamy had thrown his hand up in frustration. „ _This doesn’t bring us anywhere, Clarke. It’s impossible if we can’t communicate.“_

_„We searched the cockpit, and there was no second transceiver. But … maybe we should look again?“_

_„We looked, Clarke! There was no second transceiver. Okay, … Monty? Monty! Keep trying, ok? You. Try. Okay? Do not. Leave. The Beach. You stay, … get that?_ “  
  
He had looked at him expectantly, but Monty just shook his head in confusion.

„ _You. Beach. You …_ “, pointing at him, „ _… stay at the beach._ “ He pointed to the ground. Then he had put a hand on Monty’s shoulder and squeezed. „ _Sorry, man._ “ 

Monty threw his arms around his knees and looked out onto the ocean. The dictionary he had bought for his work trip to Sydney and L.A. had been lost together with his suitcase. Lost somewhere in the South Pacific. Like him.

It has been four days. No one was coming. 

_That_ he understood.

* * *

 

Clarke was worried about the fuselage.

They were in the process of moving their camp further down the beach, more inland for shadow during the day. But sometimes, it was still not far away enough when the wind came from the wrong direction, the whiff of dead flesh in the midday heat unbearable. And dangerous.

„Do you even hear what I’m saying?“, she asked when she received no answer from Bellamy. 

His face was dark, glaring at something in her back and when she turned she saw his sister Octavia sitting with one of the other survivors, Atom. They were very close and the moment the young girl noticed her brother staring, she leaned up to press her lips against the blushing boy’s cheek.

Bellamy growled. Clarke laughed. „You are being ridiculous.“

„He will be emasculated if he touches her.“

„You better worry about your sister, Bellamy. Atom is too afraid of both of you to do anything. Now, would you please get over the petty attempts of provocation from a 16 year old adolescent and listen to what I’m telling you here?“

„I never told you her age. How do you know that?“

„I’ve talked to her, Bellamy. Maybe you should try it sometimes?“

„I tried it earlier. Didn’t work.“ 

„This explains the sour, touchy mood.“ He gave her an annoyed look and she returned it quizzically until he sighed, „She was angry. I was angry. Things were said. It’s complicated.“

„So you keep saying. Look, I get it: Teenagers, being angry and horny all the time. But, this is important. We need to do something about the bodies. We can’t keep them like this.“

Bellamy nodded. „What are you proposing?“

„Well, Finn thinks we should burn them. He and Jaha are following the boar tracks they found this morning around the fuselage. If we bury the bodies - and there are a lot of bodies - the boars will probably dig them right up again.“

„Ok. Let’s burn them.“

„Some people won’t like it.“

„Clarke, you just said we should burn them.“

„I said was Finn proposed, and I said that we can’t keep them in the sun any longer and that some people will be against Finn’s proposal. We need to look at the big picture.“

„Look, I don’t care about the big picture! No one likes the smell of rotting corpses. We will burn the fuselage. If they don’t like it, than they can be the one burying the bodies. Not me! For fuck’s sake …“ Without waiting for a response he marched away and Clarke had to breathe her anger away a few times. This man was infuriating, at best.

She wanted to go after him and demand him to help her with the fuselage right now when she saw Anya running towards her, calling her name.

_God, what now?_

„Clarke! Monroe can’t breathe.“

Clarke followed the woman through the camp. She saw a red-haired woman she hadn’t talked to yet, clinging onto a tentpole looking like a picture of misery, heaving and drawing air in with hard labor. Tears were gleaming in her eyes. 

Clarke was next to her in a second. „What is going on?“

She heaved in air and choked. „No … inhaler.“

„Monroe has asthma“ Anya supplied. Clarke starred at her. _Oh, … great!_

Monroe saw the expression on her face and the heaving got worse. Clarke took the woman’s hand in hers, and Monroe immediately dug her nails into Clarke’s skin.

„Ok, listen to me. This, this right now, it isn’t just the Asthma. It’s anxiety, too. Do you understand me? It’s in you head, Monroe.“

Monroe shook her head and heaved. „No … no …“

„Yes! Yes, you know you have no inhaler on you, so you’re panicking. We can do this, you can do this. You can do this without an inhaler. Breathe with me, Monroe, slowly through you nose. Just through your nose! Like this, yes, thats good. You are great, Monroe. Your color is already coming back. Breathe again. Relax.“

Slowly, the girl in front of her was calming down and when Clarke equally slowly lifted herself from her grip, there were half-moon shaped dents in the back of her hand. She was lucky the skin didn’t break. For a while they were sitting together, breathing. But despite Monroe being considerably calmer, she was still rattling the air into her lungs. 

Anya helped Clarke moving Monroe to the medical tent. 

Outside, she said, „She had her safety inhalers in her suitcase. It never showed up at the crash.“

* * *

 

_This might end very badly._

Monty tried to act as normally as possible while he smuggled two extra bottles of water into the backpack and took two mangoes for good measure, too. But the perks of being the only person not speaking the same language as all the others was that people stopped noticing him.

_I might die. I will probably die._

He almost turned around again when he slowly wandered towards the edge of the jungle. Two women walked past him („ _… wish Wells would take off his shirt, too …_ “) and one brushed him with her shoulder. She recognized him, said _Sorry_ with a big and exaggerated intonation and smile, and both walked on.

Monty’s knees were weak when he entered the green of the jungle, and its damp and sultry smell moved heavily though his chest when he was breathing in and out in controlled movements to stop his fear.

_I might be here for a long time. I better get used to it._

He straightened his back and while walking towards the mountain peak, he felt his spirit rising. _Or I might be responsible for getting everyone off this island_. He might be the hero here. He could find the source of the feedback, he could send out a distress call, he could help getting them saved. 

For a moment he savored in his fantasies, wondered if the girl from earlier might be impressed by him, when he ran into someone and stumbled a few steps backwards by the impact.

„ _FUCK! Fuck, fuck! Fuckfuckfuck!!_ “ Jasper groaned while he suddenly threw himself forward and scramble to get something lying on the wet jungle soil. Monty saw a small package, crumbled to Jaspers dirty knees and when the lanky man turned around he carried a panicked expression.

„ _I was just … hanging, nothing special really, nothing spec … Oh, its you._ “

Monty stared at him. Jasper hastily put the something he picked up from the soil into the pocket of his ripped jeans and continually rubbed his nose in harsh movements, laughed loudly while his body swayed for a moment from one side to the other.

„ _I was just … you know … chillin’ …_ “, Jasper shook his head and shrugged. He was behaving weirdly.

„ _What are you doing here, Bruce Lee?_ “

_Bruce?_ Monty pointed at himself. „Monty.“

„ _Yeah, I know._ “

He did not seem to understand. Monty pointed again. „Monty.“

„ _Alright … You Monty, Me Jasper, am I right?_ “, he gave him what probably was supposed to be a friendly push but made unprepared Monty stumble backwards again.

„ _What are you up to, Monty? What are you doing here? You … saw something?_ “ Jasper screamed, looking at him expectantly.

Monty pointed to the peak. „I have to go.“

He was about to turn around when Jasper asked, „ _You going into the_ _jungle_ , _man? Dude, there is a monster in there._ “

Monty daunted back when he heard _Monster_ , looking around, but there was nothing there. Jasper stared at him with open mouth, „ _Yo, the Monster not here at the moment. Thank God, am I right?_ “

„ _Island. Transceiver._ “ Monty pointed to the peak again.

Jasper looked at him. „ _I thought that doesn’t work. You found a way to send a rescue message?_ “

Monty started nodding „ _Message. Transceiver. Message._ “

„ _That’s great man!_ “, Jasper rubbed his nose again, „ _Wow, we would be heroes! Getting everyone saved and all!_ “

„I have to go to the mountain. I might be able to detect what is blocking us there. Don’t tell Bellamy!“

„ _Bellamy. Right, hardcore guy. Totally scary, if you ask me. And with the doctor, … they are a mean power duo, right, I mean they totally gonna do it. At some point, loads of hate-sex, gonna be amazing._ “

„I will be back soon. I will try to send a distress call out there. Do you even realize I don’t understand a word you are saying to me?“

„ _Hey, you knew my band? Drive Shaft. We were so big in Japan, dude, no pun intended! We have a comeback soon, I’m sure records sky-rocketed after the crash and everyone thinking I’m dead and all. I will blow everyone’s mind, like ‚Surprise bitch‘ you know … I’m really feelin’ this island is doin’ it for me, creatively. I’m bursting, man. So inspired. Can’t wait to go back to the studio._ “

Monty just nodded, turned around and waved weakly. „Well, thanks. _You Beach._ “

He walked a few steps, when Jasper called out his name again. „ _Yo Monty, want me to join? I join you._ “

He ran after him, clapped Monty on the shoulders and started strolling in the direction of the valley.

Monty had to admit, he was happy not to be alone anymore. He followed the other survivor deeper into the jungle.

* * *

 

Clarke went through her hair with her fingers. „She needs her medicine. I can’t treat her like this.“

„What can I do to help you?“, Finn touched her elbow with his fingertips.

„Everything?“, she let out a desperate laugh, „A fully equipped examine room and sterilized bandages, water and a rescue boat on the … _fucking_ shore.“ She threw her hand toward the ocean and groaned in frustration.

Finn laughed.

„It’s not funny!“

„You usually don’t swear, Clarke. It’s a little bit funny.“

She couldn’t help herself and she smiled despite her attempts to prevent it. „I'm serious, Finn!“

„I know it’s serious, but we have what we have, Clarke. You will make due. As always. We need to make the best of it. We can do this.“

His voice was soft and it felt so intimate, the way he said her name that for a moment she forgot that she only knew him for four days. Finn smiled at her again, „I believe in you, Clarke.“

Her throat dried out and something pulled at her chest, and she had to look away when she saw Harper jogging towards them.

„I heard … that there is a problem with someone having asthma. I think I might be able to help! My dog … he was suffering from bronchitis a little while ago. I used eucalyptus to ease his breathing. I… I thought … It might help … might help her, too?“

Clarke felt relieved and stupid at the same time. „Of course. _Of course!_ I’m so stupid!“

Finn put his hands on her shoulder. „I think I know where to find it. Help me, Harper.“

The woman nodded and Finn suddenly pressed a kiss on Clarke’s cheek. „Told you we can do this, princess.“

Confused and surprised, Clarke stared after them as they ran towards the edge of the beach until they vanished behind the edge of the peninsula. When she turned around, Anya was standing behind her, watching her with intense eyes.

„We … ehm … we might have a solution.“

„Good.“, the woman jerked her head towards the tent, „It gets worse again. She doesn’t relax.“

Clarke swore under her breath and went inside. 

They were not back when an hour later, Monroe sobbing in her arms, Bellamy stopped short in front of her, spraying them with sand.

„Give me the key to the case!“

„What?“ Clarke stared at him with open mouth. Bellamy’s face was dark and dangerous, „ _Give me the fucking key, Clarke!_ “

It was also desperate. 

Clarke swallowed hard, then she pulled at the necklace from her neck. Bellamy was groaning in relief and didn’t wait until she had lifted it properly over her head before he snatched it away from her. He turned around and sprinted towards the jungle.

She saw Jaha looking after him.  


„What’s happening?“, Wells called out and his father answered, „Octavia went into the jungle and the monster seems to be heading her way.“ 

Clarke went pale, her muscles screamed at her to move, either run after him or run away.

_Octavia!_

But Monroe was heaving against her chest, growing more anxious with every second, she had to wait for Finn and Harper to return, so she just shouted, „Go after him, Wells. Quick!“ 

* * *

 

Jasper didn’t knew rescuing all of them from this island involved climbing a mountain. And apparently it did. 

He was really out of form. Monty was way ahead of him, yelling something over his shoulder every now and then to keep him on his feet.  Jasper liked him. He just hoped the guy really knew what he was doing, that he fixed the transceiver and that he was getting them off of this island, like … yesterday.

He stash was slowly but surely coming to an end. 

He needed replacement before anyone would notice. And they would know. Jasper tried going cold turkey already five times in the past and it was not pretty. He could not loose his cool, especially with Maya relying on him.

He told her about his bandmates baby, the one he had visited in the hospital a day after it was born. He had felt really good and full of purpose when he had cradled the little guy in his arms. He didn’t told Maya that the baby’s dad was fixing at that point in his flat, but … well, the thought counted. 

He was 80 percent certain that Monty did not see him earlier, using. Maybe 70 percent. But Monty would not be able to tell anyone, so that was ok of sure. It would have been a disaster when he had arrived earlier, though.

Jaspers lungs burned and his sweat was cold despite the heat pressing down on the island. When they finally reached a plateau that had Monty satisfied, Jasper all but dropped like dead into the high gras.

He would stay here until the rescue party would come.

Monty was working feverishly with the big walkie-talkie, but all Jasper heard was static. 

„Yo dude, you sure you fixed that thing?“

Monty shh-ed him.

„Rude.“ 

After a while, Jasper finally stood up again, stretched his back and strolled towards the edge of the plateau. He could see a small column of smoke from the direction where their beach must be. He smiled and waved. No one would see him, but he waved nevertheless and plucked some cords on an invisible guitar, noting the melody down in his head.

He would so record a solo album as soon as he was back. He could name is _stranded_ or something. _Survivor_? _Back from the Dead_? It had a ring to it.

He would work in sound features he had picked up from the island, wind piping, rain pouring, static … he wondered if he could recreate that booming sound he heard (and still heard sometimes, in his drug induced dreams) when the plane bursted in two in the air. He had been in the toilet when the plane hit the first turbulence, getting a fix to calm his nerves. Everything was a haze after that. The first thing he really remembered was being yelled at by Clarke who was shoving Maya into his arms. 

Maya had cried and cradled her belly and said that she didn’t felt the baby since the crash and he had started drumming with sticks against the tree, singing The Lion Sleeps Tonight until she started laughing.  The baby kicked soon after. 

It was a good moment. He would cover the song for his album.  It would be a song to honor the people who died, he decided.

From the corner in his eyes he could see a movement in the jungle close to the eastern peak, and he wondered if that’s where that monster was at this moment. 

Suddenly Monty yelled his name. Where they had had static before, was now something else.  Jasper hastily ran to the asian and arrived just in time to hear an automatic voice repeating numbers.

Monty pushed the transceiver into Jaspers hands.

Overwhelmed, Jasper just started to shout. „What … what … hello? Hello, can anyone hear me, hello?“ 

A voice came on and for a moment Jasper was relived, before he realized it was a recorded message.  The man sounded rough and tired. He sounded hopeless.

_ „… race around the world. My teammates and I shipwrecked on this island. Please come! Please come help me. I’m alone now. Please, someone come. The others, … they are all dead. It killed them. It killed them all.“ _

Jasper stared at Monty who nodded furiously. He only shook his head.  The automatic voice came on again and then the man spoke again and Jasper could not make out what Monty was asking him. 

The asian man suddenly spoke English. „Numbers?“

Jasper nodded. „Yes, … yes, its … its like its counting. The message is on a loop, man. It’s a countdown …“

„Count .. down? Numbers?“

„YES! It’s fucking numbers in a countdown, man.“

Monty suddenly closed his eyes, his lids and lashes fluttering while his lips were muttering indistinguishable words.

_ „Please come! Please come help me. I’m alone now. Please, someone come. The others, … they are all dead. It killed them. It killed them all.“ _

Monty opened his eyes again.  „Jasper.“ His voice was calm.

He held up his full hand. 

„What?“  


Monty pointed to every finger he held up.  „One … two … three … four … five“ he looked at him expectantly. 

„Five? Five what?“ Jasper showed him five as well. Monty nodded, then he held up three fingers, six fingers and five fingers again.

Jasper looked at him, confused. „I don't understand.“

Monty repeated. Three. Six. Five.

„Three … six … five…. 365? 365 Days … one year?! A year, with 365 days?!“

Monty showed him five again.  


„Five … years?!“ The expression in Jaspers face, apparently, was enough for Monty to get that he has been understood. His face grew somber.

Jasper swallowed. „Shit! Shit. Someone else was stranded here. And his fucking message was never heard?

The message was playing for five years. 

Whoever the man was, he had been afraid for his life. He was probably dead.

* * *

 

The smell of the eucalyptus was pleasantly burning in Clarke's nostrils when she put the green paste slowly and in deliberate movements on Monroe's chest.  „That’s right Monroe. Slowly breathe in and out. You are doing great.“

Clarke turned around and smiled at people sitting in the sand next to her tent. Finn held her gaze. He smiled and nodded at her, and Clarke smiled even wider.

Monroe’s breathing became calm and regular, and coming down from her stressful attack it was not long until she fell asleep from exhaustion.

Harper was following Clarke to the surf to wash their hands.

„Thank you Harper! Really, I couldn’t have done this without you.“

„It’s ok. I’m glad I could help.“

„No really, I … my head, … it’s still back in Sydney. Where there is electricity and pharmaceuticals and I have sterile equipment and everything that I need. Everything I rely on to be a doctor. But these things are not here, and I need to learn to not think in my trained ways anymore if I am to able to help you guys. If we want to survive this, we have to learn how to use the things we have.“

„It’s really ok, Clarke. You are … we are so lucky we are having you here. You, and … Finn, who knows how to hunt, and Wells and his father and Bellamy? You guys, you … are saving our lives, getting us organized and all that. You are doing the things we can’t do. Not yet. I’m just glad I could help in some small way.“

Clarke touched Harpers shoulder. „You helped save a life today, Harper. That was big. Very big.“

Harper blushed and fiddled with the read leash she had tied around her hip and suddenly, Clarke remembered something.

„Hey … you are the owner of a dog, right? He was on the plane too?“  
  
„Yes. His name is Vincent. I found his kennel, but it was empty.“

„A white labrador?“

Harper perked up. „How do you know that?“

„I saw him in the jungle. The day we crashed. He was fine.“ Clarke pointed toward the western mountain peak. „I came from this direction and he ran further into the jungle, when I saw him.“

Suddenly, Harper hugged her. „Oh my God, thank you so, so much!“

„Please, just be careful when you look for him. We cannot keep out of the jungle forever, but it is dangerous. That monster … _please_ , Harper.“

The woman promised her, when they suddenly heard voices shouting from the other side of the beach.

When Clarke turned, she saw Wells followed by Bellamy and Octavia walking towards their camp. Octavia was pale and clinging to her brothers side. He slowly steered her towards Clarke's tent and she met them mid-way.

„What happened?!“

„It was that thing“, Octavia answered, voice hollow. „That monster. It got Atom.“

Clarke looked at Bellamy, who just tightened his grip around his sisters shoulders.

* * *

 

The clashing of the waves against the boulders could have been relaxing.  Monty Green knew that they mocked him. 

The message that blocked the signal what playing for five years. That it was still playing meant that no one had come to save that desperate man who had been ended up stranded here, too.

He could not say what the message said exactly but the man’s desperate tone was clear even for him. So had been Jaspers expression. It was him that had talked to the little band of important people that had grouped around Bellamy and Clarke these last days. Finn. The Jahas. Anya. 

When they all looked at Monty he himself didn’t knew where else to look but the ground. Bellamy had, once again, squeezed his shoulder in silent gratitude.

Jasper had brought him dinner and had pushed Monty to sit with him and the pregnant girl. Jasper had talked non-stop and the girl, Maya, had smiled at Monty every now and then, sometimes laughing out loud at what Jasper said. But then, there were also moments where no one was talking and the truth was sinking in.

No one was coming to save them. 

Monty stared into the sunset from his familiar place when he suddenly heard someone walking towards him.

Monty stilled when he recognized John Murphy. The man with the cold, blue eyes stared down at him for a moment, holding a book in his hand. Then he let it drop next to Monty.  He stared at the welled cover with open mouth. 

It was his dictionary.

When he looked up again, Murphy had already turned around and was halfway back to the camp.

Monty picked up the book. Then he opened it in page one.


	6. Day 06 - Every Man For Himself

Clarke woke up with a jerk as the sensation of falling lingered. Her breath hitched and she held her head in her hands.

She was so tired. 

She could barely will her eyes to stay open but she couldn’t sleep properly either. The nightmares were always with her, dreams of falling and being hunted and trees breaking. She felt her fatigue straining on her, pushing her to lie back again and closing her eyes but something in her head would not let her.

They were on the island for six days. Two more people were dead: The marshal by her hand and a young boy through that monster in the jungle. They had found out that a SOS-message from another stranded man was jamming the signal of the transceiver, and i f there was little hope of being rescued before it was even less now.

They would burn the fuselage today, filled with the decomposing bodies of the crash victims. Some of the others where against it at first, considering that maybe the dead wanted to be buried and not incinerated.

They had pointed at Clarke, she had buried the marshal, hadn’t she? Why not bury the rest of them too? She could not explain them that that had been something that she _had_ to do. Having killed the man despite the role of John Murphy. 

(At some point the woman named Anya had joined her, not breathing a word and leaving her again, after. When she told Bellamy, he just hmm’d.)

But with the duration of their stay, the fuselage exposed to the bright sun and the heat came the danger of an epidemic and yesterday they found out that there were boars on the island who burrowed through the wreck at night and would dig up the bodies too if they would bury them.

Finn wanted to light the fire only at night.

„Why wait?“

„It will be a big fire. Maybe someone will see it.“

After that, everyone had agreed. 

Clarke sighed and got up, threw one of her spare T-Shirts over her shoulder and went down to the water. She never found her suitcase in the wreckage but what they had, they had shared evenly among everyone. Her shoes were still to big, she had to take them from a dead body but they were hiking boots, at least, and much better quality than for example the vans Jasper wore.

It was still too early for most of the people of the camp to wake up, so undisturbed she took off her jeans and her shirt, rubbed her face with a bit of fresh water, dipped a toothbrush in the plastic bottle and brushed her teeth. T he skin of her shoulder peeled where she had a sunburn despite using sun blocker. It caused her to be perpetually cross with the Blake Siblings who had a complexion that tanned without burning and endowed them even with a ridiculous good-looking set of constellation freckles. 

At least the mosquitos took a liking to Bellamy which mollified her greatly.

Her head was swimming in non-coherent thoughts and her eyes burned because of the lack of sleep when she saw him the first time.  Standing in surf, dressed in the suit she choose for him, looking at her.

The next blink of an eye, he was gone.

* * *

„You saw what now?“

„My … It was a man, in a suit. Standing in the surf at the beach, and the next moment he vanished.“

Bellamy coughed slightly. „A man? In a suit?“

Clarke starred at him with wide eyes. Did he believe her? Did he not? She couldn't tell. She got angry at herself for telling him in the first place.

„Never mind!“ Sour she grabbed her breakfast and was about to leave when Bellamy’s fingers closed around her elbow. „Clarke … look! I just wanted to say that it might not be want you think.“

„I’m not thinking anything, let me go.“

„Clarke, you saw a man, in a suit, standing in the water and with a blink of an eye he was gone. Maybe you just … made it up?“

She insisted she saw him.

„Clarke, I know you are not sleeping. People hear you, having nightmares. Your mind probably played you a trick. You just need to rest.“

„It’s not that easy, Bellamy!“ She tore herself away from him and left, seeking solitude with her breakfast in her tent.

She tried not to think about it so she went through the medicine they found in the suitcases again. It was mostly aspirin and low-key stuff and after she sorted the bandages they’ve made and she watch a group of people preparing for the funeral pyre that night. Bellamy was among them, with a scarf covering his mouth because of the stench. 

She was disappointed that he didn’t believe her and she was scolding herself that he was probably right. She had been a med-student and been through residency long enough to know what sleep-deprivation could do. But she also had been a med-student and been through residency long enough to know that she _could_ endure more.

Suddenly someone knocked at the pole of her tent and Maya smiled at her, as usual one hand on the growing belly of hers. 

„Hey, how are you doing?“

„Honestly … the heat is killing me.“ With some rustling and effort Maya settled down next to her and wiggled around until she was content.

„Where is your shadow?“ Jasper rarely let her out of his sight.

„I don’t know, sometimes he just vanishes and then, a couple of hours later, he comes back, chipper like I don't know what. He is nice enough though.“

Clarke smiled.

„I feel a little bit dizzy sometimes.“

Clarke put her hand on Mayas forehead, brow furrowed. „Do you drink enough?“

„Well, there is so little water, …“

„You have to be more careful, Maya. For the baby.“

„I know. It’s only a few weeks now. I’m nervous.“

Clarke wanted to ask her about her preparation courses for the birth when she stopped short. He was waiting for her at the edge of the jungle. She stared at him a couple of seconds then he turned around and went in. W ithout saying another word to Maya Clarke scrambled to her feet and ran after him.

Ferny was hitting her in the face as she rushed through the jungle and suddenly she almost ran right into him. He had his back to her and her fingers where shaking when she slowly extended her hand. He turned around before she could brush against the broad shoulder of his suit-jacket. He had a small smile on his face.

„ _Dad_?“

* * *

 

Octavia sprinted towards them. „Bell, the pregnant girl, she passed out!“

Bellamy dropped the log where he stood and ran after his sister, closely followed by Finn and a young man named Miller. Maya was lying in the sand where Monroe was wetting her forehead with a cloth and some water. Finn, Bellamy and Miller carried her towards Clarke’s tent. 

„It must be the heat! Is she breathing?“

„I don’t know! Where is Clarke?“  


„No one has seen her.“ Finn grunted when he put Maya down on the bed and moved to open her shoes while Octavia kneeled next to her, taking her face in her hands and softly tried to coo her back to consciousness.

„We need more water, quick.“ Miller already darted out of the tent while Bellamy passed the bottle he had jammed between his belt and his waistband while working to his sister. Maya slowly moved and blinked at them, disorientated. 

„It’s me, Maya, Octavia. You passed out on the beach.“

„I did?“ Octavia put the bottle to her lips but Maya choked and groaned. Than she said, „I wanted to go after Clarke. I got dizzy again.“

Finn and Bellamy exchanged a concerned look and Finn asked, „Where is she?“

„She said something like … something like ‚there he is‘ and ran into the jungle.“

Bellamy swore vigorously.

„Why, what is going on?“, Finn snapped at him.

Irritated, Bellamy explained. „She told me this morning that she saw a man in a suit standing in the water, clearly a hallucination. She doesn’t sleep and I told her that. But she got angry at me and took off. I didn’t thought…“

„The water is gone!“ Miller broke into the tent, breathing hard.

„What?!“ 

„The water supply … the last of the bottles, they are gone! We have no water anymore. The tanks are empty. We have to wait if it rains again.“ Miller leaned down on his knees and added, „And someone saw Murphy a little while ago. Carrying  _two_ full bottles.“

„Bellamy!“ Octavia gestured towards Maya.

„Stay with her! I’m dealing with this.“ He rushed out of the tent, gaze tinted in red and with Miller and Finn close at his heels, looking for John Murphy.  


* * *

Clarke wasn’t thinking straight.

A small part of her was and it was reminding her that this was it. She finally snapped and went nuts, the whole nine yards. She was crazy, running through _that_ jungle again, screaming for her father, never mind monsters.

It was impossible. He couldn’t be here. It was impossible. But then, maybe the morgue attendant made a mistake?

Her sense of sight blurred and when in one moment she thought she could see him again and ran towards him, the next he was gone and she didn’t knew where she was anymore.

„Where are you?!“ She cried, „I needed you! Where are you?!“

She fell to her knees, a sobbing mess. 

Her knuckles were bloody and her shirt clung to her back with sweat. The humidity was killing her and she had no water with her. She was dehydrated on top of being sleep-deprived.

It was impossible. It was possible.

Clarke wasn’t thinking straight.

* * *

John Murphy was lounging in the shadow of a tree, some novel in his hand and sucking on a water bottle when they found him. Bellamy wanted to tear forward and just punch the truth out of him but Miller held him back and gave him one of his stern looks.

„If it isn’t the three musketeers?“ Murphy sneered and regarded them with cold eyes, „Where is the princess?“

„Where is the water, Murphy?“, Finn asked.

He feigned ignorance.

„People saw you with two bottles. We are rationing for a reason, you prick!“, Bellamy was fuming.

Murphy sighed. „And if I have it, what do I get for it? A tumble with you sister? I’d definitely would like that very, _very_ much.“

„Look, Murphy, we are all in the same boat here“ Finn gave Bellamy a sharp look to stay still, „If the water is out, we are all in a very big problem. Maya, the pregnant girl, she fainted. She is dehydrated as a lot of others. We have not found a source of fresh water yet. The remaining bottles vanished, people saw you with more than your usual share. We just want to know the truth.“

„The truth?“, Murphy gridded his jaw,„ _He_ doesn’t care for the truth. All that selfless hero-crap my ass, he doesn’t care a bit about that knocked-up chick. Th king just wishes for an opportunity to beat me to pulp.“

Finn tried to reason but Murphy flipped him off and came to his feet. „Look! I have it with all of you thinking I’m the big villain here! I’ve taken no ones water. And he … “, motioning to Bellamy, „ … will never believe me. Is probably already thinking about how he can torture the information out of me. Too bad we have no water for water-boarding, am I right, Army-Boy?"

„Ok, that’s enough …“

„I took the water!“, a new voice intervened and everyone turned. Jaha was standing behind them, a bush of bananas hanging from his shoulders. 

„Dad?“ Wells looked at him in shock but Jaha just smiled. 

„You are clearly to hung up on the illusion that the island will not give us what we need. But you are wrong. When the plane crashed, she welcomed us. We crashed and so many of us survived without any major injury. Does that not strike your wonder? We are already living from her bounty, finding fruit, finding shelter and soon … she will provide us with water, too. I went to hunt so I took provisions with me.“

They stared at him, no one able to fathom what just transpired when Murphy started laughing. „Holy shit! What a religious nut-job!“

„You have not experienced what I experienced, John Murphy. I was in a wheel chair before! Tell them, son! My legs were withering away and then we came to the Island and …“, he raised his arms, standing strong on his feet, „It healed me. The island will take care of us. It is destiny.“

„We got to have water!“ 

„It will come to us soon enough. Have faith, Bellamy!“ Unimpressed, Jaha pressed a full bottle into his son’s hand, picked up the bush and left.

Murphy sneered and grabbed his book, „You goin’ to hang him now or what, Bellamy? I say let’s hang him.“

Bellamy licked his dry lips and glared back. „Get lost, Murphy.“

„So, you are ready to come at me but not at Rafiki? He _stole_ our water. He isn’t even sorry for it.“

No one said a word, all eyes were on Murphy and Bellamy.

„Get lost.“  


Murphy took a full swig from his bottle. „Not so _Lord of the Flies_ after all.“

* * *

It got harder to breathe and it got dark, too.

Somehow Clarke managed to light a small fire. She didn’t remembered from which direction she came from and where she had to go to find her way back to the beach.

She wondered if the other already noticed her missing. She hoped Maya was fine. She shouldn’t have left her like this. The shortage of water was a sincere issue and no one had a solution for that yet. Jaha, Wells father, would go into the jungle all the time and would always come back with fruit and other food and boar sometimes, but never with fresh water. When asked he said he had prepared for a walkabout in the Outback. Wells would always become awfully quiet when his father talked about that.

A twig snapped and when she turned, he was standing behind her.

This time she didn’t get up. She didn’t chased after him. Instead she just glared at him.

„I hate you.“

He tilted his head and looked at her.

„Why did you just leave? I needed you!“ Her voice shook with anger, „I still need you. I don’t know what to do. There is Bellamy, and Finn, and the rest, but they are looking at me, too, wanting me to help them, to know the answers, and I don't know what to do. They need someone to tell them what to do. But I'm not a leader! I'm here, going crazy and talking to the dead.“

Her father slowly put his hands into the pockets of his slacks.

„I know, you are not real. I really do! My mind is just playing tricks on me. But I wish you were! I wish, that I didn't had to pick you up in Sydney. That I said goodbye instead of sulking when you left for Australia. That you didn’t die and that I didn’t had to pick out a suit for you to be buried in when I know you always hated suits. I wish that you were alive and that you crashed with me and that you could tell me what to do now and how to sleep and how to be strong. I _tried_!“

With this she stood up. „I’m no leader, Dad. You are. You were. You would be the one to figure out how to get fresh water to Maya and her baby. And how to fix the transceiver. How to save us.“

He turned around and slowly walked away. 

Clarke picked up a log from the fire and used it as torch. She slowly followed him a few meters when she heard it.

_Water._

Her father turned and suddenly Clarke was standing in a giant cave, looking at a small pond in the middle and fresh water dripping down a natural waterfall. The caves were cool on her skin and dry and smelled fresh. When she turned around her father was standing there, smiling, and then she blinked and he was gone.

She drank a lot of water which was sweet and refreshing, rubbed her face and carefully washed out her open knuckles. She could not see a lot with it being dark but she had the feeling she would find the cave again, so she turned around and went back into the jungle. 

* * *

  


They couldn’t decide what to do with Jaha. They were still worried about Maya and Clarke, and they still had not enough water despite a short shower of rain in the afternoon. 

It got dark, and as if there had been a sign, people got together around the fuselage. Jasper and Harper were supporting Maya. Monty stood a little bit apart from their group. Finn held the torch and waited.

Jaha was nowhere in sight. Neither was Murphy.

Wells stood next to him. „I will talk to my father.“

„Will it help?“

„I guess not. He thinks that fate brought us here.“

Bellamy wanted to reply but in this moment Finn turned and lighted the fuselage. A solemn silence set down on the 43 people that had gathered to watch the pyre. Octavia came to him and buried her fingers into the hem of his shirt while the fire licked at the metal corpse of the plane thats crashed them here. 

They gazed together.

„Say something, Bell.“ She whispered. He wanted to reply when suddenly there was a turmoil at the far end of the group. People had started murmuring and somebody shouted, „It’s Clarke, Clarke is back.“

She was standing on the edge of the pyre, her blonde hair glowing in the shine of the flames. She looked exhausted but determined. Everyone was staring at her and then she started to speak.

„Most of us didn’t knew each other before the crash. And most of us didn’t get to know the people we lost in the crash. It’s been six days now. And no one came. By burning their bodies those who died are giving us another chance of rescue. Maybe someone will see the fire. But what if they don’t?“

After a pregnant pause, she continued.

„We have to stopp waiting. We need to start figuring things out. We can’t do this anymore. Every man for himself is not working anymore. We need to figure out how we are going to survive here. I found fresh water, not far from here in the valley. We can go tomorrow morning but it cannot stop at this! Last week most of us were strangers. But we are all here now. And we don't know how long we will be here. But if we can’t live together … we are going to die alone.“

She gazed at the pyre. 

„We are not strangers anymore.“

* * *

He preferred his solitude after the incident with the marshal so he had set up his tent far away from the others.

However, the flickering light of the burning fuselage still made it possible to see the cold edge on Bellamy’s face when he let a backpack fall into the sand with a loud thud and jammed a torch next to it.

Murphy looked up, unimpressed but wary.

„There is a full bottle of water, some food and bandages inside. I even packed you the colt with it’s amo, aside, so you better be grateful.“

Murphy looked at the pack at his feet and then back to Blake. „And what am I supposed to do with all this?“

Bellamy gave the backpack a shove with his foot. „You take it, and then you leave.“

„What?!“

„You shot a man in cold blood. Today, you wanted to lynch another. You threatened my sister. I’m not going to tolerate you around this camp any longer. Take the pack, turn around and start walking. I don't care where you go. Just leave. Don’t come back.“

„This is not your decision to make, you son of a bitch!“

Without a blink of an eye Bellamy drew one of the other guns and aimed at Murphy. John immediately got to his feet and rose his weaponless hands in surrender. 

„If it comes down to this who do you think they will believe? Your word or mine?“

Murphy’s lip curled in disgust. „You will pay for this, Blake.“

„Probably. But not tonight. And not tomorrow. You better start walking.“

Murphy spat in front of Bellamy into the sand, picked up the torch and the pack. Then he left, and vanished into the darkness.


	7. Day 07 - The Cost of Living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentioning of Self-Harm and Suicide
> 
> Also ... I’m a firm believer that while Miller is relatively silent during the show the commentary in his head is a 24/7 snarkfest galore.

**** Nathan Miller had a funny relationship with water and death.

The first time he almost died had been when he was four years old and couldn’t swim yet. His dad pulled him out of the pool in the very last moments.

When he almost died the second time - attempted on purpose this time - he sat in a bathtub filled with water before he cut and thought it ironic. Again, it was his dad who found him and made the emergency call.

The third time, well … he crash-landed with a plane on an island in the middle of the South Pacific. He should have died but got away with a few cuts and bruises and the letter to his dad in his pocket.

He was not sure if it really was supposed to be funny but sometimes he laughed out loud about it.

The weird thing was … he was better. Like part of the heavy weight was being lifted from his chest and all it needed for his depression to go away had been, in fact, a tropical beach side. 

Someone should tell the advertising people that they were right all along.

It was early when he was sitting close to the sea, reading the letter. Again. Worn-out and taped many times he knew the content by heart since Dr. Brooks in Santa Rosa made him write it.

_I’m sorry. … I’m not sorry, Dad. … This is who I am. …_ _It_ _won’t get „better“. … It’s good already. … I’m sorry._

Frankly, it sucked.  


He was a shitty writer but Dr. Brooks said that it was not about that. It was about _communication_. Nathan had asked if Dr. Brooks ever talked to his father and he said he didn’t. Yeah, neither had Nathan in two years. So much for communication.

He packed the letter back into its envelope when he heard it. A scream for help and he saw an arm splashing around in the bay. The woman cried again. 

Without thinking Nathan threw away his shoes, his beanie and his cardigan and ran into the water. The waves roared in his ears and the salt burned in his eyes and nostrils while he followed the screams.

Only in the middle of it he remembered that he was not a good swimmer. Her cries grew louder and more urgent.

Suddenly a current carried Nathan away, away from her shouts of help and he was underwater and the clashing of waves filled his brain. He broke through the surface grasping for air, heard distant shouting and he was underwater again, struggling to break free.

Then someone grasped him around his chest, pulling his head over water again.

„You’re okay, just take deep breaths now. Come on, just breathe, just breathe.“

Nathan gasped out „Did you get her?“

„What?“ It was Wells, turning to swim back to the shore with strong stokes.

„There was a woman … I was trying to—did you get her? You got to go back!“

Wells did not respond.

He was still wheezing and hurling, his clothes sticking to his skin, when they climbed out of the water and people took his arms and half dragged, half carried him on land and he heard Bellamy shout. „Wells?“

„Miller said there is someone else still out there.“

From the corner of his eyes he saw Wells running back in the water.   
  
But Nathan could not hear her screams for help anymore. Just the water booming around him and he hit sand.

* * *

  
  
Bellamy watched her putting on the backpack filled with empty water bottles.

„Who was it?“ she asked with defeat in her voice.

„Her name was Joanna.“

Clarke went with her fingers through her greasy hair roots, pulling at them.

Bellamy continued. „She wasn't supposed to be on the plane. She was scuba diving off the barrier reef and got an ear infection. So the doctor grounded her for two days. She bumped her flight. That's how she ended up with us.“

„I didn’t knew even knew her name.“ 

„Clarke, don’t.“

„She was just swimming this morning, got caught in a riptide. We've been here seven days and I didn’t even knew her name. I never said a single word to her.“

„How? There are 46 of us.“

„45 now.“ Clarke sighed.

„Look, Clarke … stop beating yourself up about it. Wells is … he thought maybe he could bring Miller back and still have the time. It’s not on them and it’s defiantly not on you. You can’t save everyone.“

She perked up, aghast. „Why would you say that?!“

Bellamy crossed his arms. „Because it’s the truth, Clarke. We are stranded on this island and it won’t help us if we keep deluding ourselves of what it is we are doing here. We might have a chance of rescue but we also have to face the reality of things … that we are not prepared for this.“

„I will not just lie back and let things take their course into chaos and anarchy, Bellamy!“

„This is not what I said, Clarke and you know it! You are just looking for a reason to fight with me!“

She was ready to give him a piece of her mind and start a real fight when she saw Finn and a brown-haired woman coming towards them. „Are you ready?“

„Yes!“ And with one final glare at Bellamy, she said, „I’m done.“

They had to jogg to catch up on Clarke’s storming away and Finn took her hand to stop her, „What just happened?“

„Just Bellamy being … _Bellamy_.“

Finn smirked. „Yeah, tell me all about it.“

Clarke smiled until she noticed the other woman, watching them inquiringly. Something pulled in Clarke’s stomach and not knowing what else to do she put her hair back into a messy bun on top of her head. The other woman had a prominent tattoo on her shoulder and eyes that bore into Clarke’s.

„I’m sorry, I forgot your name.“

„We haven’t met yet, Clarke.“ she answered with a tight twitch of his lips that just might have passed as an attempt at a smile, „I’m Lexa.“

„She volunteered to help us with the water“ Finn adjusted his backpack, his voice pulling Clarke away from the woman in front of her, „We should go. People are thirsty. Lead the way Clarke.“

Remembering her way from the day before Clarke dived into the green of the jungle, Finn and Lexa close on her heels, ready for the trek to the caves.

* * *

 

„Why didn't you leave me?“ It was out before he could prevent it. 

Wells looked up from cutting fruit. When he recognized Nathan he simply shook his head. „Not now, man.“

„I could have made it back! I told you to leave me.“

„Look, I said not now. Not today, okay? I really don’t want to …“

„I was fine!“

„No, you weren’t! You were drowning, man.“

„You should've saved her!“

„But I didn't save her!“ Wells stood up, pain etched into the few lines of his young face, „And neither did you!“

Nathan swallowed hard. „I tried.“

„Yeah, so did I.“ Wells rubbed his nose. „We both screwed up. Now we got to deal with it.“

Nathan thumbed the edge of the letter in his pocket. Wells patted his shoulder and sat back down again, shoulders slumped forward, not seeing him stumbling away.

* * *

 

When they arrived at the caves Finn was speechless.

„Water is this way.“ Clarke pointed into the massive cave structure and stepped in. Lexa followed her without hesitation. 

„How did you find this place?“ he asked and his voice echoed back from the reddish stone walls surrounding him. The soil was soft and dry, vines wormed their way along the sides while small beams of sunlight showed dust sparkling in midair. The air was cool on his heated skin and when he saw the pond with the small waterfall, he had to laugh.

The water was fresh and sweet and for a moment the three of them sat and just satisfied their thirst before Clarke shrugged. „Luck, I guess.“

„What were you doing alone in the jungle?“ Lexa asked and started filling the first bottles. Clarke froze for a moment. „I thought I saw something. I wasn’t sleeping very well. It made me delirious.“

Lexa nodded. „Or the island showed you a vision?“

Finn laughed. „That is superstition.“

„Why do you think that?“, Lexa looked at him, deadpan, „You and 45 other people survived a plane crash without any major injuries. What are the odds?“

Clarke's hands closed tightly around the bottle in her hand. Finn swallowed at the lump in his throat and replied, „Not everyone survived.“

Lexa tilted her head. 

„Besides … People survive plane crashes all the time.“

Lexa’s eyes lit up like she knew something they didn’t. „Not like this one. The tail section broke off while still in the air. The section cart wheeled through the jungle and yet we escaped with nothing but a few scrapes? How do you explain that?“

Finn raised his chin. „Blind, dumb luck?“

„No one is that lucky. No one should have survived. There is a monster on this island, killing people and dumping their corpses on the top branches of the jungle. Jaha said he was in a wheelchair before and now he is out and about, hunting. I’d say all these things deserves some second thought of what is superstitious.“

Finn was, again, rendered speechless, when something behind Clarke caught Lexas attention.

„Clarke …“ Slowly, she stood up.

Finn frowned at her. When he turned around he saw them too. In a back cavity, bedded in dry leaves and engulfed together, were two skeletons.

* * *

 

It was Monty Green, of all people, who found him. 

He was sneaky, Nathan gave him that. He carried his travel-dictionary that had made life a lot easier for everyone, or so they thought. 

Monty was fine, but it was still hard to gather sometimes what he meant to say to them. Him, waving around with the transceiver, trying to act out his ideas while Bellamy, Clarke, the Jahas and others stood around him like an audience in a theatre play far too above for anyone to possiblyunderstand was still a common sight at the beach, no matter the magical re-appearance of the dictionary. 

„Miller.“ He piped, timid. 

Nathan ignored him, staring down on his feet in the sand.

„Miller?“

„What?!“

Monty sat down, staring into his book like it was his job. Nathan was unprepared for what came next. 

„I … need … help. Jasper.“

He turned to look and soon spotted the lanky guy in the crowd. After the crash he had told him about his band, shift-something and it took a very, _very_ dark look from Nathan to make him go away again. 

He was nice enough. Just too … communicative for Miller’s taste. 

Jasper was, of course, with the hip attached to the pregnant girl, Maya who for some reason didn’t seemed to mind. He was telling her a story, jumping around and making her laugh. She was shy and hid it behind her hand.

It was good seeing her laugh. Her and her … bomb of responsibility.

Nathan turned to Monty again. „He looks fine?“ 

Of course, he personally knew perfectly well that this doesn’t exactly meant that everything was, in fact, _fine_.

Monty furiously browsed his dictionary. „Drugs. Jasper … drugs.“

Nathan stared at Monty, flabbergasted. „I … don’t know how I’m supposed to help.“

Monty shrugged his shoulders in lack of understanding.

„Why … me?“

Monty nodded and again skimmed his book. „You … hero.“

Nathan plunged his hand deep into the pocket of his cardigan, fisting the letter, holding on for dear life. 

_I’m sorry. … This is who I am. …_ _It_ _won’t get „better“. … It’s good already. … I’m sorry._

Joannas screams echoed in the back of his head. „I’m no hero.“

„You hero!“, Monty repeated with passion, „You … swam … save woman. You dead too. You not worry. You hero. Help Jasper.“

Nathan turned away until he felt a hand shyly touching his shoulder. „You help?“

„I’m a fucking mess, man.“

Monty frowned, not understanding. „Yes?“  


* * *

 

„Who do you think they are?“, Finn probed the pieces of cloth clinging to brown bones and withered skin with a stick, „How did they get here?“

„I can't exactly perform an autopsy. There doesn't seem to be any major trauma to the bones. Someone laid them to rest here.“

„But who?“

„Maybe we are not alone on this island.“

Finn and Clarke both stopped short and stared at Lexa.

For a while she met their gaze without blinking until, suddenly, she shrugged. „Maybe they were stranded. Like us? Didn’t we intercept a message from another castaway? Maybe one is him.“

Clarke shook her head. „No. It takes forty years or so for clothing to degrade like this. Jasper and Monty said the message is playing for five years. Also, the man said that it killed the people he was with and that he was alone. _They_ look like they were put here together. Looks like one of them is female.“

Finn wiped his hands at his jeans. „Our very own Adam and Eve.“

Lexa snorted at that comment and took her gear filled with water bottles. „We should move out. The others are probably getting thirsty.“

Clarke rolled her shoulders. „Carrying all this water back and forth is going to be real pain in the ass.“

Lexa huffed and gave off a rare hint of a smile. „You're starting to make me regret volunteering, Clarke.“

Finn looked at the stones surrounding them and thought for a moment. „These caves make too good a shelter just to be used for burial. Adam and Eve must have lived here. Maybe they crashed like us with a plane or were ship-wrecked. But they probably found this place and knew they could survive here.“

He pointed to the pond. „Unlimited supply of fresh water“ He showed them the roof. „Tree canopy keeps the temperature down and shields out the sun.“

Clarke looked down, unconvinced.

„You said it yourself Clarke. We have to figure things out! The openings are narrow and easier for protection against predators. We don't need to bring the water to the people. We need to bring the people to the water.“

He looked back to Lexa for support. Her face was guarded. He realized that his voice was desperate. „I think we could live here, Clarke.“

She avoided an answer. „Let’s bring the water to the beach first.“

* * *

„You want to … what?“ Bellamy didn’t even try to hide his disapproval. Lexa observed them

„Move into the valley.“

„Why should we do that?“ He turned to Clarke, „What happened to live together, die alone, Princess?“

Clarke shot a quick, irritated look at Lexa when she felt her eyes drilling into her neck and shook her head. „I didn't …“  


All the time, trying to please. Trying to make everyone understand. Trying to do the right thing.

Finn interrupted them. „ _Together_ is the only way we're going to survive here!“ 

Collins was reckless in his idealism. He didn’t even noticed Lexa still being present in their natural circle of leadership and responsibility. Maybe he thought she was on his side. She was not.

Bellamy Blake had a wild look on him. His passion was one of his redeeming qualities, but his anger was not. „Our best hope of survival is being spotted by a plane or a ship, and yes! For that we need to organize. Some scout the island for supplies. Others keep that signal fire burning.“

Clarke tried to reason again. „The caves are the only source of fresh water we've found so far, Bellamy. Finn is right, it is reasonable …“

_Strategic. Intelligent. Loyal to a fault._

„It’s not reasonable, Clarke! Digging in anywhere else is suicide!“ 

_Protective. Unregenerate, and so much anger._

Finn snorted, „And staying on the beach, in the sun without water? That's not suicide?“ 

_Mean in his desperation to please, to save, to atone._

„I won’t let my sister being stuck here because I screwed up, because I couldn’t…“ Bellamy stopped himself. When he continued his voice was cold and definitive. „She will have a life! Beyond this island. This is not negotiable!“

Lexa added _secretive_ to her list of Bellamy Blake.

„First of all is this not your decision to make!“ Finn fumed. He turned to Clarke, „Clarke?“

Clarke turned him away, a few steps away from Bellamy. „Finn, I don't want to be Eve.“

Finn struggled for words. „No one is asking you to, Clarke. Moving into the cave does not mean we are abandoning hope, we are … building it. Someone could always stay here, keep a look out, wait for rescue. We install a rotation system! It doesn’t have to be you all the time.“

Lexa tilted her head. 

„I just can’t. I’m sorry Finn. I’m with Bellamy on this.“ She squeezed his elbow, fingers lingering on his skin before she turned away and went to her tent.

When Finn looked back at Bellamy, his face hardened.  


Bellamy’s tone was triumphant. „Do what you must, Finn. We are staying here.“

Finn nodded. „You should realize that this is not a dictatorship, Bellamy. People have a choice. And I will make sure they know that.“

He left and Bellamy glanced at Lexa for the first time since they came back from their tour.

„What is your take on this?“ Lexa masked her surprise by picking up her backpack. 

„You have two options: Stay together or split up. Both is dangerous. Especially if you and Clarke end up on two different sides.“

He raised an eyebrow at her, but when she remained silent he gave a curt nod and walked away as well.

Lexa had a lot to think about.

* * *

Monty elbowed him hard into the ribs and apparently not giving any fucks for subtlety, raised his hand to point at what was happening.

Jasper - not much of a living example of subtlety either - was making his way into the adjoining part of the jungle, stumbling in the sand, pale as a ghost, wearing a hoddie despite the heat and looking over his shoulder every two steps as to make sure no one was following.

Nathan wondered just how occupied people, him included, had become with their own problems that no one had seen the things directly under their nose, despite the extrem lack of privacy they experienced since the crash. 

Self-made tents and not enough material to cover four walls and a roof had had people recline to a „Don’t look, don’t tell“-philosophy very fast. Nathan knew some addicts back in the day, and Jasper was textbook the moment he had started to really look at him. 

Nathan had his hand pushed deep into his pockets. _This is prone to become a fucking disaster._

Monty elbowed him again, harder this time and started talking in rapid Korean as if that would improve their general situation all together. How did Monty made him play Robin Hood for addicts when his own problems inclined he should be doing anything but?

When they found Jasper he held a small package of brown powder in his hands. Nathan noticed that there was not much left.

He was blind for their approach until Monty called him out. Trying to hide his stash behind his back his expression was a mix between confusion, drug-induced anger and fear.

„What … What are you doing here, I’m doing nothing, I Just wanted to …“

„Look …“, Nathan raised his hand as in defeat, „It’s … _really_ not my business, I know, but … since we are here all kind of in it together … Look man, you’re going to run out. My guess is sooner rather than later.“

Jasper frowned and shot an unsure glance towards Monty. „Look, I don’t know you and I really don’t know what are you going on about, but everything is fine, you know, … all is well in Jasperland, there is nothing …“

„Your stash, man.“, and Monty added, „You … feel … not good. We help!“

Jasper was silent for moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thin, „I got it under control!“

Miller opened his hand. „Just hand it to me.

„Don't talk to me like you know something about me!“

„You right. I don’t. And I don’t envy what you’re facing. But I help.“

Jasper stared at him. „Why?“

Miller swallowed hard. Remembered his hallucinations. Remembered a blade on his skin and the water in his lungs and Joannas cries and Wells face when he talked to him earlier and that Nathan only remembered he was not a good swimmer when he had already decided to go through with it. He remembered his dad and the letter in his pocket. 

_This is who I am. … It’s good already._

„Because … now I can.“

Monty added. „Help. We … together.“ 

Jasper fumbled with the small pack of heroine. „I have it under control.“ He almost sobbed.

„There is no control with drugs. Give it up now. At least it will be your choice.“

Monty took a step forward. „Baby.“

Jasper’s head perked up. „Maya. You … help. Good person.“

„He is right, man. She needs you sober. The baby, too. That’s what you want, right?“

Jasper swallowed. „Yes.“

„More than your drug?“

Jasper wiped away tears in the corner of his eyes. „More than you know.“

Nathan held out his hand. Slowly Jasper walked towards them and then, finally, handing the heroine over. Without looking back at them, he vanished into the jungle in the direction back to the beach.

Monty turned to him, brow furrowed like he was thinking hard.

„You … hero. Not stop.“

Nathan swallowed. Then he smiled at him and Monty nodded, satisfied.


	8. Day 10 - Adrift

Clarke reached the caves in record time and of course Finn saw her first. His smiles was wide and open when he walked her way.

„Welcome to the castle, princess!“

She laughed. „Nice job. How are you doing here?“

„No sandbugs is a big plus. Monroe is amazing, she wants to construct room dividers. Doors, Clarke, can you believe it?“

„Privacy? Unheard off.“ She joked and saw that he was grateful for her doing so.

„So, due to what do we owe the honor?“

„I’m here to speak with Jasper.“

Finn nodded. „I didn’t expect him to come with us to be honest. Not with Maya staying at the beach.“

Clarke tried to remain impassive. She had been surprised herself but after her chat with Monty and Miller (who apparently had a knack to guess what Monty was trying to say with the fragments of words picked up by a travel dictionary) she understood.

Distance. Something they severely lacked these past days.

„So, where is he?“

„Back cave. He doesn’t seem to … acclimate too well.“

Clarke found Jasper sitting close to a fire in the back part of the cave, apart from the rest. Shivering.

„Yo, Doc.“ She saw him trying to pull himself together.

„How are you?“

Jasper stilled. He was pale and beads of sweat were covering his forehead. „Why are you asking?“

Clarke looked over her shoulder to check if anyone was near and listening. „Monty is worried about you.“

Jasper continued to focus on the flame but the grip around his shoulders tightened and he bit his lips, tearing of dead pieces of skin until they were tinted in an angry red. 

With low voice she urged. „How long has it been, Jasper?“

„I really don’t know what you're going on about!“

„How long since your last fix?“

Jasper stared at her with wide eyes and bloody lips. It took a long time until he finally answered. „Almost three days.“

Clarke nodded, remembered.

„How is the withdrawal treating you? Any hallucinations?“

„Just leave me alone, Clarke.“

„Why didn't you say anything? I could have helped you through this.“

„Yeah, right! You think I'm useless, and a junkie to boot.“

Clarke was irritated. „I never said that.“

This time Jaspers eyes were full of anger. „Never had to, _Princess_! I offered my help so many fucking times but you and your elected circle of saviors, Bellamy and the other holier that thou would never even …“ Another shock of shivers stopped him.

„I didn't knew you wanted …“ she started but Jasper rushed forward, voice raised.

„You know? A lot of people look up to me, you know? I’m a respected musician, they _respect_ me. And you, you just treat me like I'm some stupid child or some useless joke!“

Clarke raised her hands in defense. „Please Jasper. Relax, sit down. Let me take a look at you.“

„Oh, you're going to look out for me, yeah?! We’ll look out for each other, that's how it is?! I'm not interested!“

„Jasper, just calm down. You’re not yourself right now!“

Jasper turned around and screamed. „You don't know me, Clarke!“

Suddenly, there was a loud groan and the last thing Clarke heard was her name before someone pushed her backwards. Then the cave caved in and something hit her in the head.

It went black around her.

* * *

There was dust everywhere, people came running, coughing, powdered in stone.   
  
„What happened?“ Monroe help him up and Jasper saw her tripled for a moment. He swayed and then held his head, staring at the rumble in front of him. Suddenly he remembered Clarke and spun around.

She was lying on the ground next to him, head cradled in Finns hands who was trying to wake her up. There was a big cut on her forehead and her eyes were closed.

„Is she breathing?“ he cried hysterical and Finn pushed him away with so much force he stumbled backwards.

„What did you _do_ , Jasper?!“

„I don't know what happened! We were just talking and it - … and it came down on us - … all happened so fast!“

Monroe shook Jasper until he finally looked back at her. „You got to get help. Go down to the beach and get Wells! He knows what to do!“

„Okay, … Okay, I'm on it.“ He turned back to Finn. „I’m sorry, man!“ 

But Finn just hissed back, angry. „Not now, Jasper!“

Jasper started running and Monroe yelled, „And make sure you tell Bellamy!“

Jasper doubted he ever ran that fast or that far. Somehow he made it and was still able to yell when he broke through the trees and spotted Wells standing with Anya and Harper.

„What's wrong?“

„It’s … It’s Clarke, she is unconscious! You got to … you got to help her!“

„What happened?“ Anya demanded with voice that left no room for argument.

„A cave collapsed. We don't even know if she is alive, she won’t wake up. Got hit in the head … I … I didn’t mean to …Come on, we've gotta go!“

Wells turned to Anya and Harper. „Harper, Clarke probably had her bag with her when she went to the cave but go to her tent and pack everything you can find, bandages and alcohol.“

„If the caves are insecure we need to get them out of there.“ Anya pitched in. „Monroe is an architect, she should check it out! Harper, go get her!“

„She moved to the caves yesterday, she is probably already there.“ Harper supplied and Jasper felt the hysteria overcoming him again. „We've got to go _now!_ “

Anya and Wells nodded and suddenly Jasper remembered. „Wait! Bellamy. Hey, we have to tell Bellamy about Clarke.“

„You just missed him, he and my dad headed into the woods about ten minutes ago.“

„Which way?!“

Wells stopped him. „He will know soon enough! Come on!“

Jasper stared at Wells who appeared calm and collected, and Jasper felt bile coming up his burning throat. His body betrayed him. Again.

„I go find Bellamy.“ He choked and made it into the jungle just in time.

* * *

 

Shortly after Jasper left, Clarke groaned in pain and woke up.

They had moved her outside the cave with their gear while Monroe checked the rest of the structure. Finn made sure there was alway a wet cloth on her forehead and held her hand in his.

„Come on, Clarke. Please wake up.“ When she did and she saw him, she smiled. His heart bursted. „Thank God.“ Before he could think differently he kissed her knuckles.

„What happened?“

„The cave gave in and something hit you in the head.“

„Where is Jasper?“ She asked alarmed and wanted to sit up but he forced her back down.

„He is fine. He went to the beach to get Wells.“

„Good. He worked as a life guard.“ She wanted to get up again but Finn wouldn’t let her.

„I’m fine, Finn.“  
  
„You have a huge cut on your forehead and you were out for at least half an hour. You are not fine.“

Clarke slumped back and closed her eyes. She did not let go of his hand. He was glad.

When Wells arrived it turned out there was not much else than that what they already did. He softly cleaned out Clarke’s wound, told her to stay down for a bit and put a band aid on. Anya conferred with Monroe about the caves. When Clarke declared, with strong words unheard from her thus now, that she was fine and submitted herself to being monitored by Anya for the next days they declared her well enough to go back to the beach.

Finn didn’t liked it but didn’t knew what else to say. When he helped her standing up Clarke smiled at him and joked, „So these are the safe caves you've been going on about …“

He had to laugh and took her hand in his. „I admit, this was a fluke. Monroe checked out the integrity of the rest of the caves and gave them an okay. Stay here for the night. Please!“

„I can’t, Finn.“

„Clarke, I'm - … I just don't understand why you won't come here with me - us. It is maybe a mile inland, if that.“

„Look … we crashed ten days ago and - … I’m not ready setting up a house here. I won’t give up hope for rescue.“

„I’m not giving up hope either, Clarke, I want off this Island too! But we both know that it is not going to happen any time soon. Yes, Monty is still working with that transceiver and he says he can find the source of the distress call. Well, at least we think that’s what he is planning. We are not sure it will work.“

Clarke sighed. „The signal is coming from somewhere on the Island. If we can find it …“

„The signal has been running on a loop for five years, Clarke. And the man that left it - he wasn't rescued. What makes you think it's going to be any different for us?“

Clarke had a hard look on her. „I choose to believe it.“

„Well, I wish I shared your faith.“ He took her hand. „Clarke, … just stay with us. With me? One night, until you are better.“

„I’m better already. Don’t worry.“

„Is this about Bellamy?“ It was out before he could prevent himself. She closed her eyes and Finn knew it was unfair to lay this on her but he needed to know.

„I think he is dangerous. He takes care of Octavia, yes, and he helps with running things but the way he makes decisions on behalf of everybody else? It’s really dangerous!“

„Finn …“

„Did he give you back the key to the guns?“

Clarke’s hand immediately moved to her empty neck.

„And what happened with Murphy? The guy was an ass but there was no reason for him to just vanish from one day to other. On a lonely island, without water or food? He and Bellamy were toe to toe when Jaha took the water and … suddenly he is just gone? I’m worried! I don’t trust him, Clarke. And neither should you.“

She sighed and slowly removed her hand from her grip but squeezed his for a moment longer.

„Clarke, we should go“ Wells called her and with one last look over her shoulder, she left.

* * *

 

„Clarke …“ 

They turned and saw Jasper approaching them out of the dark like he had been waiting for their return for a long time. He wringed his hands and Clarke motioned for Wells and Anya to go on, but Anya seized Jasper up and down and asked „You feeling okay? You look a little …“

„Flu. He's got the flu.“ Clarke interrupted deadpan.

Anya seemed not convinced but with one impressive side-eye at Clarke she turned to the med-tent without another word. Wells just squeezed Jaspers shoulder, „Take it easy, man.“

When he, too, has left, Jasper swallowed hard and started to apologize until Clarke cut him off.

„Jasper, it was not your fault.“

„I screamed at you. It … literally tore the roof down.“

„I know. It was still not your fault. How are you?“

„I should ask you…“

„I will live. And you, Jasper? Detox is painful.“

„I’ll … I’ll manage.“

„It will be harder than you think.“

„Gee, thanks for the pep-talk, doc!“

Clarke smiled. „On the other hand, in my experience people are also usually stronger than they think they are. Especially addicts.“

„How would you know?“

Clarke shrugged. Then she shook her head, reminding herself this was not the right way to do this. Sponsoring.

„I … was one.“

Jaspers eyes widened and Clarke explained. „A couple of years ago I was addicted to narcotics. It took time to get sober. It was a lot of work. I just want to help you in any way I can, Jasper. I should have recognized the symptoms sooner, I’m sorry.“

Jasper smiled a crooked grin. „Thanks Doc. I’m sorry, too.“

„I know.“ 

Jasper slowly wandered away, still twisting his hands and Clarke took a moment to collect herself. Her head was killing her. She knew she should better lie down and rest but there was still one thing left to do. He was siting with his sister at the fire in front of their tents when Clarke approached them.

Before she could even breathe in their direction, his eyes were fixed on the band aid on her forehead and he stood up alarmed. „What happened to you?!“

„There was a cave-in. I got hit in the head but I’m all right now. Anya will stay with me to make sure it’s not a concussion.“

„What? Why didn’t anyone tell me?!“ He was furios and Clarke reached out to calm him but decided differently mid-movement. Bellamy noticed and frowned at her.

In his back, Octavia pinched her eyes against the light of the flame and said. „Glad your ok, Clarke. You are kind of precious to us.“

„Thanks Octavia. … Bellamy, can I have a word in private?“

Octavia groaned and poked the fire with a stick. „Would you two just get a room already, please?“

„Jesus, O …“ It was not too dark to see Bellamy’s irritated expression as he kicked some sand in the way of her little sister who laughed in triumph. Clarke just blushed. 

He followed her a few steps away from the flames and scratching his neck said, „Sorry about that.“

„Yeah … ehm … never mind.“ 

„You are really ok?“ He was still concerned and angry, Clarke could tell. „I can’t believe no one told me.“

„It was being taken care of, ok? Finn was there, Monroe checked out the caves, Wells and Anya helped me back to the beach. There was really nothing you think you could have done better.“

Bellamy tilted his head at her, probably sensing her discomfort. Clarke felt a lump in her throat and Finns words in the back of her mind.

„Bellamy, where is Murphy?“

Within split seconds something changed in his eyes that made Clarke thing of defiance. His face hardened, jaw set. He remained silent.

„No one has seen him since the incident with the water. His tent is empty. Do you know where he is?“

„No, Clarke. I don’t know.“

She started to ask if he was sure but stopped herself. Yet, it was too late. He interrupted her struggle for words. „If you want to know if I killed him just ask me, Clarke.“

„Look…“

„Don’t lie to me.“

„Finn said …“

„I don’t care what Collins said. _Ask me,_ Clarke!“

„I didn’t …“ She took a deep breath, „Just tell me you didn’t.“

„I didn’t kill Murphy. Part of me wanted to, but I didn’t. I don’t know where he is. I don’t care. Satisfied?“

It was Clarke's turn to stay mute.

„You through?“ His voice was razor sharp.

„Not quite. Bellamy, I need key back.“

He straightened like something pulled at his spine, this time distaste clear in the hard lines of his mouth.

„The key to the haliburton. You never gave it back to me. I need it back.“

The muscle in his jaw was twitching and eyes piercing into hers as he removed the necklace and handed it to her. Too quickly, Clarke put it back on.

„Enjoy your caves, Clarke.“ Without another glance he left her alone in the night.


	9. Day 15 - One of them

Octavia Blake felt free for the first time in her life.

She was jogging on the beach with the wind in her face, sand between her naked toes, her breath burning in her lungs and a smile on her face.

Since she could remember she alway had had a sense of being trapped. Now, well sure … - she was hopelessly stranded on a lonely island in the South Pacific, uninhabited but for a scary monster randomly killing people. No biggie. But next to the fear of spending the rest of her life  – however short that might be – on this god forsaken place of earth, she also had never felt so enabled.

In her childhood she was trapped by her circumstance.

First she experienced abandonment from her father figure. Her earliest memories were of Bellamy reading to her, Bellamy giving her piggyback rides, bringing her to Kindergarden, teaching her to tie her shoelaces and eventually Bellamy leaving them without saying goodbye and not coming back. That asshole who was the contributor of some genetic material had never been enough in her life to manage to give her daddy-issues for life. Bellamy’s departure was followed by her leaving the U.S. with her mother to move to the other end of the world as if running away would make this good again.

She felt trapped being the sole focus of her over controlling single mum who suffered increasing depressive episodes, always commanding her to be still by her side and going on her adolescent nerves quite a bit, with Octavia not understanding that this was now the only way her mom was able to show her her love and affection.

She had felt caught and trapped by the social service people putting her into a facility for orphans and barely talking to her after her mother had that fatal car crash.

And eventually trapped and kidnapped by a very jet lagged, very rumpled, very in-way-over-his-head-hey-sis-havent-seen-you-in-over-14-years-brother who’s genius plan had been to take her back to the other end of the world where she was hailing from in that one plane that happened to crash into the South Pacific.

No one could ever get away with saying that the Blakes were the brightest stars on the firmament. But since the crash she learned that there was nothing like several near death experiences to gain a few new perspectives on life.

She developed a new fondness and loyalty towards her brother. He had come for her when she had no one else to turn to and he stayed there when she thought all that would be coming for her was a slow and painful death. And Octavia had to admit that maybe her brother was learning these things on the fly too.

He himself had become quite a controversial figure in their band of survivors recently. Maybe thats why she had started associating running with freedom. Because leaving camp when he and Clarke had one of their fights was basically the only choice you had other than stay and endure.

Octavia figured herself the enduring type but yeah … not at all cost.

She wished they would just bone and get this over with since this was clearly the one thing both of them needed to fix whatever they were fighting over but not willing to really fight over.

Okay, there was also Finn involved with some mutual pinning. But Octavia had caught Clarke looking at her brother when he wasn’t and she certainly did not look like a princess being wooed and won over by Prince Charming.

Whatever happened that night Clarke had asked for a private word with Bellamy and him storming away like a mad bull after, well … if even possible the mood among the survivors of Oceanic 815 was worse than before given their two leading figures were all but killing each other.  Y ou know, never mind certain impending death by exposure to untamed nature!

Octavia had no patience for this nonsense.

She would have to take action, immediately, her choices ranging from screwing her brothers head back on straight to classic locking-them-in-a-cave-until-matters-are-solved-as-soon-as-she-found-something-to-lock-a-cave-entrance-with.

While wondering about this scenario in her head, she tripped and fell face first into the sand.

Groaning, Octavia turned and saw a black something sticking out of the beach. Her fingers touched hardened rubber sheathing and when she pulled a black string as thick as her forearm appearing out of the sand. A few meters ahead the black material was torn and sand crusted metal interior was glancing in the sun. Octavia started digging.

She had found a cable.

When she pulled again she revealed the cable running straight from the shore where it disappeared beneath the water surface into the jungle ahead of her.

Her chest was still heaving from her jog. She sat down for a bit and pondered her possibilities.

She was not keen returning to the jungle, despite having participated in a couple of water runs from the caves. But she had not equipment with her, she was barefoot and had not light, no backpack and just so much water left in her bottle.

But she was curios.

Octavia Blake stood up with the cable in her both hands and using it as a guide, she followed it into the jungle.

Certainly a couple of meters as reconnaissance to bring back to the others wouldn’t hurt.

The jungle floor panned out in front of her. Her eyes were fixed on the cable now running open and visible on the ground. She was already further in the jungle than she initially anticipated, her feet hurt from small stones drilling into the soft flesh, but so far nothing had indicated as to why there was a cable and where it lead to or who had put it there.

She had heard of the message of the castaway from Jasper and about the bones Clarke found in the caves. Apparently there had been other people being stranded on the island but it seemed unlikely that the lonely surviver or Adam and Eve had had the means or muse to set something like this up.

Octavia’s mind was working hard over this and she never saw the tripwire.

Suddenly, a rope was tightening around her ankles and with a major jerk she was pulled from her feet into the air. She screamed in pain when something snapped in her left knee and the world was upside down.

Octavia was sobbing because _fuck her stupid ideas_ and she might have blacked out. She wasn’t sure where or how long she was hanging upside down in the jungle, blood pooling in her head, breath- and voiceless because of the pain and almost blind by it too when suddenly her ears picked up a rustling in the jungle behind her and she crashed down again.

She cried out and her field of vision blurred.

The only thing she could make out was a tall figure and the silver flash of a knife coming towards her before she went completely unconscious.

* * *

 

Harper heard Clarke sigh and turned around to see Sullivan running towards them, his red shirt already lifted up to his chest to reveal his round, hairy stomach covered in an ugly red rash.

„Doc!“, he panicked, „It’s back again, Doctor, ist back! What do you think this is, this, this, this, … _rash_? It's bad, right, like some kind of a tropical disease? Is it poison ivy?“

Clarke stopped him with her hands held high in appeasement, „As I have already told you on numerous occasions, Sullivan, it is hives. A common rash brought on by heat and stress.“

Almost in disappointment Sullivan put his shirt back down. „Oh, okay.“

„Just try to relax and I’m certain it will clear up. Try to keep your mind off it.“

He frowned and after a couple of more reassurances from Clarke he was back on his way to wherever. Clarke turned to Harper who couldn’t help but ask quizzically, „Try to keep your mind off it? What else has that guy got to do but stress?“

„I've got enough on my plate without having to treat hypochondriacs. So, what did you bring me? Have you found Aloe for the sunburns?“

Harper frowned. „Yes … but … I mean, that’s the point, right? We're all tried, exhausted. Everybody’s way tense. Maybe it would help if we could have something to do?“

Clarke didn’t even bother to look up from the plants. „We are surviving here, Harper. And that's what my main concern is: keeping us alive. Things could be worse.“

The answer did not satisfy her. „How?“

Harper had no idea how a relaxed Clarke Griffin might look like but she knew her well enough toget her expression as being „positively pissed off“. She almost rolled her eyes on how obvious it was, „And you are more exhausted than anyone, Clarke, and our only doctor on top of that. I was wondering, that … if there would be someone to help you with all of this, someone you could train to do simpler things like bandaging or something like this, like you know, I did when Monroe had her asthma attack, it could take the edge off of you.“

Now Clarke stared quizzically at her and for a moment Harper was not sure if she managed to short-circuit Clarke’s brain until she realized that she was not looking at her but at something behind her.

It was Bellamy stomping towards them, having someone with a bleeding nose by the arm and glaring at another person with an open lip walking next him.

„What happened _now_?“, Clarke asked. If Bellamy was like the disapproving silent father, Clarke made the perfect concerned yet angrily strained mother. Harper knew she was no longer in the hot seat when the three men reached the front of the med tent.

„Tell her.“ Bellamy ordered them.

„He stole my mango.“

„ _Your_ mango?“ Clarke repeated.

„It was mine. I found it.“

„It was in the kitchen thus being collective property! If it actually was yours you should have put your name down or put it aside or something.“

„It was _my_ mango.“

„I believe this is enough“, Clarke rubbed her eyes. „Go wait in the tent.“

„You’ve heard her.“ Bellamy growled when Bleeding Nose opened his mouth for another reply. He shut it tight and both went with hanging shoulders and kicking sand as to make a point.

„Un- _fucking_ -believable these two guys are a bank director and an IT-analyst well over forty“, Clarke groaned. Bellamy huffed.

_We are not angry just disappointed_ , Harpers brain supplemented unasked.

Then, she watched Bellamy turning on his heel to leave without another word.

_Oh, right. They are fighting. God knows what about._

„Bellamy!“

Harper watched Clarke follow him and put a hand on his arm to pull him back. His face was tight and cold when he did and now it was Clarke’s turn to slump her shoulders, „Are you really still not talking to me?“

„We are talking.“

_And you are supposed to be the parents?,_ Harper asked herself while lurking a couple of steps away, too afraid to move and get noticed but also too nosey to walk away and give them privacy.

„You know what I mean! Look, I’m sorry but I stand by my concerns.“

„Then there is nothing else to talk about.“

„You are so frustrating! Stop acting like child!“

„What do you want me to say, Clarke?“, Bellamy’s voice boomed and Clarke stilled.

Clarke’s voice almost ranged in a desperate variety. „I want you to say that you are with us!“

And, a moment later, more collected and lower, „Together?“

Bellamy’s jaw ticked.

After he had turned around and walked away without an answer, Clarke was coming towards the tent entrance with her face so raw that Harper felt more like a voyeuer than ever. This had been so intimate, she felt the urge to apologize and started but the other woman only snapped at her, „Not now, Harper!“

She went on to treat Bloody Nose and Split Lip and Harper fled to the caves.

* * *

 

The pain was pressing the air out of her lungs when she regain consciousness.

She was surrounded by darkness, cold stone underneath, hands bound and her knee was making it impossible to think about anything else than the pain.

Octavia sobbed loudly before she saw it: The shadow moving in the periphery of her vision, the splash of silver like in the jungle and she was afraid.

Voices murmured, nonsense, sometimes a word of english or french, something she recognized followed by more nonsense, or was ist all foreign words of languages she couldn’t distinguish?

She couldn’t be sure.

The shadow moved and Octavia's hands were bound and her knee was killing her.

„Please … my leg …“

The voices may just be a voice, she thought through the pain, slowing, morphing into one voice suddenly as she started coming to, like becoming clear though the mist and fog that was the pain.

„Where is Nyko?“

Suddenly, a light. Octavia shrieked and pressed her forehead into the wall, back into darkness and flashes of light behind her closed lids. She was feeling nauseous.

„What … Who are you?“

„Where is Nyko?“

„I don't know what you're talking about!“

She turned and saw a figure across the lighted frame of an entrance? An exit!

The voice repeated itself, slow, rasping as if it hasn’t been used much.

„Where is Nyko?“

„Please…"

„Where is Nyko?“

Octavia tried to raise her hands to shield her eyes from the light, to see who it was she was talking to. „I don't know any Nyko. Please, my knee … who are you?“

„Where is he?“

„I’m a survivor of flight Oceanic815, we crashed on this island 15 days ago. Are you … are you the other castaway? The other survivor? Please, I found a wire on the beach, I followed it. The trap, it hurt me.“

The shadow remained still.

„I thought the cable might have something to do with the transmission some of us picked up on our receiver. A recording, a mayday, of a man playing on a loop for five years.“

Suddenly the figure moved. She recognized a shape of broad shoulders, a round head. It was big. For a moment fear was pressing her back into the wall instead of pain.

„Five years … five years … and you just happened to hear my distress call?“

„No, I didn’t … others … please, my leg … it hurts!“

„I know what you are“, the voice hissed and Octavia’s world went back again.

The next time she woke up, she was lying down.

It was softer now, and she realized she was no longer bedded on cold, hard rock but something else that smelled like sweat and dried leaves. She moved and found the pain subdued to a puckering in her leg.

Octavia sat up, her hands free. There was a bandage around her left knee and when she opened it, she saw her pants ripped and the skins rubbed in with a thick, pasty creme that had hardened but felt cool her skin.

Her ankle was chained. When she rattled it, she was certain that she could not escape this on her own.

She looked down and saw that she was bedded on a self-made cushion, cloth, blue color worn thin from usage. Yet she could still read the name embroidered into it.

When the shadow figures returned she didn’t shrink away but look straight into his face.

„Lincoln.“

He was tall. His skin was dark and his head was bald, his face covered in dirt and dust like camouflage painting and his eyes were trained on her like she was the first person he saw in five years.

„How do you know my name?“ he asked.

„I read it“, she said, „Here, on the jacket.“ Her fingers traced the embroidery and his eyes traced her fingers.

„Did you … help my leg?“

„You were in pain.“

Octavia swallowed.

„Yes, I was. Was it your trap?“

„No.“

Octavias thoughts were running wild.

„What is this place?“ When he didn’t answered her, she looked around and saw heaps of strange bits and pieces piled up in this corner and that corner like in a thrift-store, pictures on the wall, some painted, some carved.

„Are you living here? Did you send the message? The one thats been playing? Those batteries … do they work the transmission?“

„It broadcasts from somewhere else.“ he said in long pauses like he wasn’t sure anymore how to string words together in a proper sentence. „But they control it now.“

„They? The ones who set the trap?“

„Yes .“ And then, after some thinking, Lincoln added, „You. And the others like you.“

Octavia shook her head, „Look, I don't know who you think I am! We don’t have any traps, we wouldn’t know how! I’ve already told you I'm not…"

„Octavia.“

She reeled back, eyes wide. „How do you know my name?“

He reached behind him and showed her the picture that previously had been in her back pocket. She still reached for it but he was too far away from her to even flinch. Or maybe it was trained instincts of five years of wilderness.

„My name was on a jacket, your's on the picture you carry“, he told her in an even voice, more steady now, more secure.

Octavia saw her five year old self depicted in the arms of her mother with a birthday cake in front that spelled her name in sugary frosting. It had been the first birthday without Bellamy. The photo paper was broke where she had folded it. She had cried a lot over this picture.

She wanted it back. At all costs.

„It belongs to me, give it back.“

„Who is she? The woman in the photograph.“

Octavia remained silent, hand strutted out in demand and wouldn’t blink before he did.

They stayed like this and stared at each other.

Her eyes watered.

He blinked first.

Then, with slow and graceful movements, he came towards her. He was huge and she felt tiny but she did not allow herself to move until he put the picture back in to her hand. Only then did she press it against her chest.

Octavia swallowed. „Aurora.“

Lincoln was squatting before her, eyes wandering wild from her face to her hair, over her body, like he was drinking in all details.

When she spoke he looked up, straight into her eyes.

„ Her name is … was Aurora. She was my mother.“

* * *

 

Harper was too annoyed to deal with Clarke and Bellamy and their general drama for today.

She wanted them all to survive, too, and she wanted to help! How hard was this to understand?

She flicked the red leash against her leg while she walked as she would always do in the dog park.

Her eyes searched through the fat green of the jungle around her but would not see what she was looking for.  Clarke had seen Vincent after the crash. A few other survivors had come back from trips to the jungle with tales of a white labrador they had glimpsed, but had vanished too fast.

They clearly had no idea of how fat, slow and lazy Vincent was.

She had to hard press him to even get up for his walks. If he sensed the possibility of getting his belly scratched and whooed over by clueless humans, he’d have his four legs up in the air. And no fucken chance he would see someone and not wait for them to feed him with his tongue hanging out of one side of his snout.

But by now Vincent had evolved into some kind of ghost story that people told to get their mind of the real awful things, like being stranded or possibly mauled by an invisible monster. None of this was fruitful to her finding her dog though.

„Vincent, come boy, come here.“

What was he eating? Was he still fat? Had he just been a figment of Clarke’s brain after the crash? Why would she imagine a dog that would look like exactly like Harpers missing one?

When Harper reached the caves, she found Monroe rummaging suitcases in search for something.

„Come on. Come on. I know I saw them.“

„Hey … what are you looking for?“

Monroe looked up and grinned crookish. „Harper, come help me.“

„With what?“

„I’m looking for balls.“

„Balls.“

„Balls.“ Without being prompted for an explanation Monroe dived back into the suitcases.

„What kind of balls?“

Monroe looked up again and scrutinized her with a long look. She sat back down, patted next to her and asked, „What is up?“

What Harper had learned about Monroe very soon after she had had enough air to talk again, that she was not one taking any bullshit, she was a take it or leave it-kind of gal.

„Clarke and her matyr-sentiment.“

„Do tell.“

„She doesn’t have to do all the shit on her own, right? She and Bellamy, right, why are … why are they not trusting us to be able to make decisions for ourselves … or the well-being of the group? Where we ever given a chance? They are treating us like naughty children most of the time and then some.“

Monroe made a face that itched her. She felt the heat in her cheeks and snapped „What?!

„You are going to love this.“

After she explained, Harper had to laugh.

Later, after they found what Monroe was looking for, they were ready for part two of their list when a voice interrupted their debate. „Monroe, uh…"

Monroe waved him away without looking up, „Hold on, man. I'm busy.“

Harper, however, saw that Finn was leaning on a long stick and she bumped Monroe with her elbow.

Monroe’s eyes gleamed. „Yo Rafiki, can I borrow this?“

„What?“

Monroe took the stick with one and Harpers hand with the other, „Thanks, man.“

Off they ran, only hearing Finn calling after in the distance, „What are you doing?“

The women laughed, took the rest of their findings and went to set their plan in motion. For the rest of the way, they held hands.

And when they were done they went on to art three, gather the People.

„Hey, Bellamy. Come on, Harper and I got to show you something!“

Bellamy looked up from the pile of fresh firewood he was building next to their designated kitchen space. „What is it? What happened?“

„Relax. Come and see.“

„Look Monroe, if this is not an emergency I really don’t have the time.“

„Look Blake, I don’t care. You don’t even know what it is. You, with me!“, she replied and turned around to march away.

Not for the first time today, Harper was impressed and so was Bellamy, apparently. He stared after her and shot Harper a consulting glance at which she just shrugged.

Together they followed Monroe back to the plateau. On their way they picked up a few others.

The mountain plateau opened up en route to the caves and despite them being, well, stranded … the view was breathtaking. However, the group they had gathered didn’t seem convinced yet, especially with Bellamy and Finn making it a point to stand as far away from each other as possible.

Harper wasn’t so sure anymore if this idea was really so good but Monroe had none of it. Confidently she planted their flag, an improvised pole with a piece of cloth flattering in the wind, into the ground and mustered their merry band of misfit toys.

„Welcome“, she announced, „to the first, and hopefully last, Island Open.“

„I beg you pardon?“ Bellamy asked.

„It's two holes for now, three par, and no waiting.“

Monty stared at them and suddenly nodded with enthusiasm, „Golf!“

Monty understanding things and speaking English was still too new a concept for them and charmed out surprised glances and appreciative shrugs from their audience. Following this, Bellamy seemed to try to grasp for the right words himself and settled for „You built a golf course?“

Monroe deadpanned, „Rich idiots fly to tropical islands all the time to whack balls around.“

Finn rubbed his neck. „All the stuff we've got to deal with … and this is what you've been wasting your time on?“

Harper took a step forward and motioned, „Dudes, listen: Our lives suck. Everyone's nerves are stretched to the maximum. Bellamy looks like he nearly suffers a heart attack a day, Clarke doesn’t get any shut eye, Maya is pregnant and about to crack open the baby bomb and you, Collins, are trying to build your own little cave civilization from scratch.

I mean, we're lost on an Island, running from boars and monsters -…Look, all I'm saying is, if we are stuck here, then just surviving is not going to cut it. We need some kind of relief, some way that we can, you know, have _fun_. That's right, fun. Or else we will just go crazy waiting for the next bad thing to happen.“

* * *

 

„So, you heard my transmission … you came looking for me, for answers?“

Octavia shook her head. „I didn’t hear it myself. And none of us thought you would be still alive after all this time.“

Lincoln grunted.

„How did you come to be on this island, Lincoln?“

At this he shuffled and looked uncomfortable like he didn’t wanted to talk about it. Without giving in, he just busied himself in one corner of the cave. His broad back hid what he was doing and Octavia stared at the chain at her ankle. She might be able to crack the rusted lock open with enough force, if she could reach a tool. But it would be impossible with Lincoln here.

Suddenly he turned with a small wooded bowl in his hands. Octavia remained stoically still when he sat next to her and took her leg into his lap. Then he slowly started to wash away the crusted creme he had put on her knee earlier. With softer fingers than she expected him to have he put a new layer on and the smell of wet earth and herbs tickled in Octavias nostrils. Lincoln continued to massage her knee when he suddenly started to talk, not looking at her but only on what is hands were doing.

„We were part of a race … a race around the world. Me and my … team.“

When he remained silent for a long moment Octavia asked in a soft voice, „Was Nyko on the team?“

„Our ship was three days out of Tahiti when our instruments malfunctioned. It was night, a storm and … I remember the sounds. The ship slammed into rocks, ran aground. The hull was breached beyond repair. So, we made camp and dug out this temporary shelter.“

Suddenly Octavia remembered seeing this story on the news. A couple of years ago a ship vanished with its team lost. There was an Australian on the crew so it was covered heavily by the media until they were declared dead.

Apparently they were not.

„Temporary.“, Lincoln repeated bitter, „Nearly two months we survived here, two months before …“

„Your distress signal? The Others said that you said you team were all killed.“

„If anyone can hear me, please help me. I was a member of a team participating in a race around the world. My teammates and I shipwrecked on this island. Please come! Please come help me. I’m alone now. Please, someone come. The others, … they are all dead. It killed them. It killed them all.“ he repeated his transmission without any feeling and when he finally looked up at her, his eyes were numb, too. Octavia shivered. Impulsively she grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

„The monster?“, she nudged him.

„Yes. No. We were coming back from the Black Rock. It … was them. They are its care takers.“

„Who were the care takers?“

„ _Them_. The Others.“

Suddenly he flinched and Octavia was afraid he would retreat back into his shell, so she surged even more forward, cupping his check with her hand to make him keep looking at her.  


„What Others? What is the Black Rock? Have you seen other people on this Island?“

„No, but I hear them. They are dangerous. They are out there, in the jungle. They whisper.“

He eyed her. „You think I'm insane.“

Octavia opened her mouth to deny it, but she realized she did not want to lie to him. Instead she told him the truth. „I think you've been alone for too long. Lincoln, please let me go. Back to the people I told you about, back to the beach and my brother.“

He grunted.

„You could come, too!“

„You can't. You have to stay. It's not safe.“

„Not safe, what's not safe? This island? Look, you could teach us, teach us to survive out here. I don’t want to feel so helpless anymore, you could me. And … and we could try to send out another transmission. I’m sure with you knowledge about this island we can make it work!“

„You can't leave.“

„Lincoln…“

Suddenly there was a crack coming from outside and Lincoln spun around so fast with his knife in his hands that Octavia pressed herself back into the edge of the cave.

„Is it that thing, that monster?!“

„Stay here“, Lincoln grabbed a bag that was standing next to the cave entrance.

„Lincoln, don’t! Don’t go.“

He stared at her and for the first time she saw him with a small smile in his face.

„Don’t worry. You are safe now.“

„Lincoln!“, she called after him fruitlessly.

* * *

 

Clarke was sitting with Miller, Wells and Anya next to an abandoned pile of fire wood in their kitchen space when Jasper came running towards them, grinning from one ear to the other.

„You are never going to believe this!“ and without further ado he shouted, „Someone at the caves built a golf course!“

After a moment of stunned silence, Miller asked „Are you high again?“

Clarke wanted to give him a shove but Jasper just casually waved the comment away. „No, man, seriously! A golf course, a frigging golf course! Apparently, Bellamy's playing with them right now.“

„Bellamy? Is golfing?“ Anya shook her head and barked out a laughter in disbelief, „No way.“

„Nope, that’s the exact word. And if you are so inclined as to follow me I will proof it!“

Wells laughed and clapped Jasper on the shoulder, „I don't know about you guys but I'm going to go check this out.“

When they reached the plateau – slowly, because Maya wasn’t fast and the _No way you are going to leave me here_ again _, mothers and children first, jerks!_ -card kind of trumped everything these days – the sight was one to behold.

„Ugh!“ Bellamy groaned as he lowered the club.

„I think he stuck it“, Finn pinched his eyes to see against the sun.

„Lucky, lucky“, Monty clicked his tongue and Harper waved at them, „Hey guys! Come join us!“

Miller, his hands deep in his pockets, strolled next to Bellamy, „I almost didn't recognize you. You are smiling.“

Bellamy handed him his club, „Yeah, guess I’ll have to watch that.“

While Jasper was getting an introduction in how to hold the golf club from Monty, Finn went to stand at Clarke’s side, „What do you think?“

„How did you come up with this?“

„Wasn’t me. It was Monroe. She found the clubs and she and Harper brought us here. It’s really genius!“

Clarke shielded her eyes against the sun. When she saw Harper she pulled her to the side, „This is amazing.“

Harper nodded, her eyes not leaving Monroe who was now positioning herself for her next drive, „Yeah, she kind of is.“

Clarke smiled to herself before going on, „I’m sorry Harper. Of how I acted earlier. You were right. I've been going crazy trying to make everyone feel safe. And you and Monroe, you build a golf course and everyone just … does.“ She swallowed hard. „You are right. I could really use your help. That is … if you still wantto.“

Harper grinned then she threw her arm around Clarke’s shoulder.

„Rumor has it doctors are pros at golfing. How about you show us?“

* * *

 

Her chains cracked open after she pummeled the lock with a heavy stone. She wasn’t really sure how long it took her and by the end of it, cold sweat was drenching her shirt. She kept glancing to the cave entrance in fear that Lincoln might return sooner than later.

She was sure he wouldn’t hurt her but then … who knew what living five years on your own could do to you? She wasn't eager to wait and find out shackled to a wall.

The moment she put weight on her twisted knee she struggled to keep standing. But the adrenaline rushing through her body was helping her against the pain. In lieu of a real weapon to defend herself against whatever there was out, she grabbed the heavy stone and hobbled as fast as she could.

She had no idea where she was. Every twist and crack of the jungle around her send her jumping and reminded her of Atoms mauled corpse. She started in one direction and hoped it was the right one. Again, sense of time was lost to her and the pain in her leg grew stronger with each step.

„Put the stone down, Octavia.“

She spun around raising it instead, ready to smash it down if need be.

Lincoln was standing ten feet from her and he looked heartbroken.

She shook her head with pinched lips. She would not be taken against her will, not without putting up a fight.

Lincoln took a step forward, knife still in his hand. Octavia took a step back, raising the stone higher. „No! Please, I don't want to hurt you. Just let me go.“

He just stared at her. „You already have.“

Octavia swallowed hard. „I’m sorry. I can’t stay with you like this. I have to go back to my brother.“

„I can't let you go! Don't you understand, … to have someone to talk to, to touch – …“

„It doesn’t have to be like this, Lincoln. The only way out of this, this place, is together. With the help of my people. Come with me. You don't have to be alone, Lincoln.

„I … I can’t … I can’t …“, he slowly retreated. „Your people – the ones you're determined to get back to … watch them, watch them closely. Head this direction. You will find them there.“

„Lincoln…“

„You might be in more danger than you think. The Others will come for you. They always do. Watch for the smoke, it signals that they are coming. Black smoke.“

Octavia dropped the stone next to her feet, „Lincoln, please come with me.“

„Stay safe, Octavia.“

„Stop it!“, she started hobbling towards him, „I want you to come with me.“

With another longing glance but no answer, he just turned and vanished into the jungle.

On shaking legs Octavia turned around again and started limping into the direction Lincoln pointed her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe I'm still writing this? I can't.


	10. Day 20 - Homecoming

He woke up with a start when someone shook his shoulder.

Wells was disorientated until he recognizes his father. Theolonius Jaha put a finger to his lips, motioning him to be quiet.

„Dad?“

„I have to show you something, son.“

„It’s the middle of the night.“

„I have torches.“

Wells sat up and rubbed his eyes. „You want to go into the jungle? Now?“

„Hurry. It’s a long hike.“

„Can’t this wait? At least until it’s morning?“

„The sun will go up in an hour.“ Jaha clapped Wells’s shoulder and left their shared tent.

Wells moaned and rubbed his face once more. He slipped into his T-Shirt, wearing thin with holes under his armpits and at the collar. Not long anymore and they would all look like real cast aways, he mused sleepy. His father was already growing a beard. 

Despite being a law student and being used to working insane hours at the firm he was interning at it was not easy for Wells Jaha to wake up. Now, he was constantly tried, tired of having sand everywhere and of the muggy tropical heat around the clock and the matter of surviving day to day having them to solve problems civilization back home had left them completely unprepared for.

No wonder Clarke had trouble sleeping and Bellamy was anxious all the time and practically everyone else was either bored out of their minds or about to have a panic attack. Since Harper and Monroe had the glorious idea to open a golf course it had taken some of the edge off. Still, they were a far cry from normal.

When Wells left the tent, he saw that the darkness of the night was already shot trough with the first signs of the coming day.

_Day 20_ , he counted in his head.

His father was standing at the edge of the encampment, almost jumping impatiently from one foot to the other. The fact that he could walk again was nothing short of a miracle. 

At first, Wells had thought it was the shock. When he consulted with Clarke she said that if Jahas spine was as damaged as his doctors back in the States had diagnosed eight years ago no shock in the world could have had that effect. 

Wells was happy and relieved that his father could walk again. But he was also worried about what would happen if it would fade away. What if his father was on one of his hunting trips in the island and suddenly his legs would give away? Even with Finns hunting skills it could take a long time finding him and who would know if that freak monster would have found him first? If his missing was even noticed? How can a paralyzed man survive being stranded on an island? 

His father did not waste one thought to those questions that kept Wells up at night. 

Since the crash he had given the credit for his cure to the island. He talked about fate and destiny and some of the other survivors had gathered around him in some sort of weird prayer group without praying. 

He called himself a believer. Others used the word „fanatic“ on occasion. 

„We have to go, son.“

Wells shouldered the backpack when there suddenly was a ruckus at the other side of the camp. But the light of Jahas torch was already disappearing in the deep green of the jungle. Wells told himself that Clarke and Bellamy can take care of this and headed after his father.

* * *

 

 

She woke up screaming and hurting.

She did not know where she was or how she got there but there was sand between her toes. There was something wet on her hands and her back was aching and the baby inside her kicked against her bladder and she continued screaming with hoarse voice.

Jasper was right in front of her, shaking her shoulders. It was dark, dusted with purple. The clash of the waves was dull next to the ringing in her ears. Her dream had been so vivid she started struggling against Jaspers grip again, trashing around and crying. 

„It's alright. Hey, hey, you're dreaming! Maya, _please_! You were sleep-walking, alright?!“

She continued to struggle but she was tired and got weaker and was shaking so it was easy for Jasper to push her deeper into his arms and to hold her until she calmed down. Then he took a look at her hands. Maya saw that they were bloody and almost started to lash out again when Jasper asked, „Maya, what happened?!“

She remembered everything about her dream. The fear was like a painful knot in her stomach.

„I … I don’t know“, she lied.

„Let’s … Let’s just get you to Clarke, okay?“ Jasper put an arm around her shoulders and slowly guided her towards the camp.

Maya realized that they were far away from the tents. How did she got there?

Some of the others apparently had heard her screams and were standing close. Bellamy had a deep frown on his face and Octavia’s hair was a birds nest, standing next to her brother and looking equally quizzical. Then, Anya was at her side, helping Jasper to support Maya walking in the deep sand towards the med tent.

Clarke washed her wounds out. „That must have been a hell of a nightmare.“

Maya stared at her. She didn't wanted to talk about it so she replied „Who said it was a nightmare?“

Jasper snorted behind her. „I'd say when someone is sleeping and makes their fists so tight they dig their fingernails into their palm until they are bleeding they probably weren't dreaming about riding ponies!“

„Jasper.“ Anya warned with that deep, low tone of hers that allowed no bullshit. Jaspers mouth closed shut and Clarke just asked Maya if she ever sleep walked before.

„No, I don't think so. How would I know?“

Clarke smiled. „It would get back to you for sure. I had a girlfriend once that told me I talked in my sleep.“

Maya asked „What did you say?“ the same time Jasper exclaimed „Girlfriend?!“

Clarke shoot Jasper an annoyed look. „Apparently I recited surgery procedures. I was still in med school back then. Was your OB-GYN in Sydney okay with letting you fly in your third trimester?“  


„She was good, I went for a checkup the week before and she said it'd be fin. Ultrasound was good, very healthy.“

„And how have you been feeling the last week?“

„My back is pretty sore, but it is probably just from sleeping on the ground. I get dizzy if I stand up too fast. And I have to pee all the time.“

Clarke smiled again then continued to ask about her diet. Then she took one of Maya’s hands in hers and made the woman look into her eyes. „What were you dreaming about, Maya?“

Maya swallowed. „I was … I dreamt that I was sleeping and someone punched … punched a syringe into my belly and it hurt and hands kept me on the ground and suddenly … suddenly there was a knife and they … they _cut_ …“  
Clarke pulled Maya into an embrace and stroked her back in a slow rhythm.   


„Look Maya … These are textbook anxiety nightmares. You are due in a little bit more than two weeks, maybe three. You are under a lot of stress. Not only the pregnancy but everything else on top of it, too. This whole situation is less than ideal but we will deal with this, I promise you. I will do everything I can to deliver a healthy and beautiful baby. I just need you to relax and not worry too much.“

Maya nodded. Her skin was tight after all the crying. „I’m just … not prepared for this.“

Clarke squeezed her hand a little tighter. „You took your courses. You will know exactly to what to do when the time is there. It’s something I have seen over and over again. You will be a great mother. And I promise you that there will be more than forty people fighting over who is allowed to babysit.“

Maya forced a smile. Clarke had no idea but she was not prepared to talk about it any further. With the help of both Jasper and Clarke she struggled onto her feet and slowly waddled away towards her tent.

Their voices carried though they were trying to talk in low, hushed tones.

„Did she say anything to you about her pregnancy or the father or why she was flying to L.A. so close to her due date, Jasper?“ Clarke asked.

„No.“

„What can we do?“ That was Anya.

„If she stays stressed out like this, or has another panic attack it could trigger an early labor. And out here, with no instruments, no monitors, no anesthetic – that would not be good.“

Maya walked on, a hand on the baby she never wanted and that was now inside of her.

* * *

 

It was noon and it was hot. 

Wells was just concentrating on setting one foot in front of the other that he didn’t even register his father laboring in front off him until he just fell, face first, to the ground. Wells  immediately tried to help him but Jaha pushed him away, upset and angry „I'm fine! Let me alone, I’m fine!“

He tried to put his legs under him and push himself up but they wouldn't move.

Wells swallowed. „It’s your legs isn’t it?“

„I’m good! I just stumbled.“ 

Wells put his backpack next to him on the ground, „Dad! What is wrong?“

„I'm fine!“ he insisted. 

„Don’t lie to me, Dad.“

Jaha cursed and buried his face in his arms for a moment. „Sometimes I lose the sensation in my feet. I pick them with something sharp and … feel nothing. I can walk, move around, but I’m not feeling anything.“

„Your spinal cords …“

„Don’t repeat my diagnosis to me, son, I know it well enough! I lived with it for eight goddamn years!“

Wells felt helpless. „I’m just worried about you.“

Jaha tried to stand up again and failed. He was shaking. „The island will send us a sign. All that is happening now is my faith is being tested. My commitment is tested. But we will succeed! The island will show us how!“

For a moment Wells was without words. _This is madness._ „What kind of kind of sign do you think the island will send us?! A rescue boat?“

His father took a long look at him. „I had a dream last night. I asked for a sign and then I saw a plane crash, a beech craft right out there.“ He was pointing into the general direction they were hiking, „It was a dream but it was the most real thing I have ever experienced. I know where to go now.“

„Go for what?“

„To find what we need. What I need to heal my legs permanently“ he answered cryptically.

„Dad, this is insane! An island cannot heal you! You are not fine, you are hurt. Let me get you back to Clarke.“

„Clarke wouldn't know the first thing about what is wrong with me!“

He tried to get up but fell again. Wells was just staring at his father on the ground.

Jaha was shouting now. „This island, it changed me! It made me whole. I was whole again and now it is trying to take it back and I don't know why! But it wants me to follow what I saw. I must follow the sign. I know it sounds crazy, son. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have believed it myself! But you and I, … we are here for a reason! There is something that we were meant to find, something that is going to help us. I know it! But we have got to keep going!“

_This is madness,_ Wells kept thinking.

„Okay … I will help you. If thats what you think you need, I will help you. Just … can you move your legs at all?“

Jaha extended his hand. „Just help me up, son.“

Wells pulled his father up, one arm slung around his shoulders and the other hand on his hip to support him with his whole body. He was sweating as they walked on, step for step, grunting and panting with effort.

He didn’t even saw it until his father suddenly started to laugh after what seemed hours of hiking. Wells looked up and had to put his head into his neck: High on the edge of a cliff was the beech craft. 

Just like his father said.

The nose of the plane was sticking out from the edge of the canopy of trees. It was also clear the plane crash landed a long time ago. The orange color of the hull was faded and it was covered with green moos and vines wined around the metallic body.

„Is that the plane you saw in your dream?“

„As best I can tell. Let me down, son.“ 

Wells did. „And you really saw it?“

„Yeah, I really saw it.“

_How else could he have known of it? This is insane!_

Wells had to catch his breath. „How long do you think it's been there?“

„Doesn't matter. What's important is that we found it! What is important is what is inside it.“

„What is inside?“

Jaha looked at him with a big smile. „You’re going to have to climb up there for us and find out.“

 

* * *

 

 

Maya was uneasy.

She tried to calm her breathing but everything was hurting since last night. 

She was rubbing her belly and remembered everyone as they were watching her with a side eye throughout the morning. They already had handled her like a bag of raw eggs since the crash but she realized that from now on it would only get worse. 

No one wanted to be alone with her in case something happened. Yet no one dared to leave her alone and if so, they would repeatedly ask her if she was fine, if she needed Clarke, if the baby was fine and Maya just wanted to scream. 

So she fled. 

She had been on her way to the caves where people probably wouldn’t know about her freak dream and where she hoped that it was cooler than at the beach. But walking the distance turned out to be too much and she had to sit down and rest when the pain in her back increased. She was not really sure if she was already close or still far away from the second camp.

_This was not how it was supposed to happen,_ she thought, _this had not been the plan._

She forgot how long she was sitting and resting and thinking that she didn’t heard him approaching. „Hey there …“

Maya looked up and froze. Bellamy was standing in front of her, holding a backpack in his hands. Maya could not recall to have ever talked to him directly. Or alone, for that matter. 

„I was looking for you. Jasper is freaking out because you are not at the beach. What are you doing here?“

She was unable to look him into his eyes and she felt ashamed for worrying Jasper, so she mumbled an excuse when a sharp pain tore through her belly again and she moaned in surprise.

Bellamy was with her within seconds, alarmed. 

„It’s … nothing. I just have … gas pains or something … It’s … it’s fine.“

He did not look convinced but motioned to the spot next to her. „Do you mind if I sit down?“

„Why?“

Bellamy seemed dumbstruck for a moment. „Why not?“

Maya had no answer to that so she just shrugged. Bellamy sat down.

„Where were you going?“

Maya signed and continued to rub her belly and shuffled around as she tried to find a comfortable position. „To the caves. I’m sorry I worried Jasper, but I needed … I needed to get away.“

„Is he bothering you?“

„No! No, he is very nice to me.“ Another sting in her back.

„Did you had lunch?“

„No. I’m not hungry.“ She tried to breathe through her pain.

„You should eat.“  


„ _Could people just stop telling me what to do?!_ “ she exploded.

Bellamys finger brushed her shoulder. „I’m sorry.“ 

Maya winced at another sting in her back. For a while they were silent. 

„I remember my mother when she was pregnant with Octavia. She was having a hard time with it. I want you to know that I’m there for you, okay?“

„I don’t need you to … take care of me. I’m sure there are more important things that need your attention.“

„This is the most important thing, Maya. Please tell me what is going on.“

Maya tried to calm her breathing. Cold sweat was gathering under her shirt and another pain tore through her abdomen and a sudden realization pressed the air out of her lungs. 

„I … I … can’t …“, she toppled over and couldn’t help but moan with pain. When the pain subsidedshe gasped for air. „I'm fine. I just need to – … I just need to catch my breath…“

Bellamy was holding her shoulders. „No, Maya, it’s not okay! I think you're having your baby!“

_If she stays stressed out like this, or has another panic attack it could trigger an early labor. And out here, with no instruments, no monitors, no anesthetic – that would not be good._

Maya panicked. „No, I'm not, okay. It's just gas pains, it's fine.“

„You're having contractions, Maya!“

She pushed him from her with a force she did not knew she had. „No! _I'm bloody not!_ Can you just leave me alone?!“

Bellamy crouched next to her, „Come on, I've got to get you to Clarke. Please try to stand. Please!“

Maya gasped in pain. „Look, I … _I can’t_.“

Bellamy stared at her with wide eyes then he looked around. They were in the middle of the jungle, too far away from the beach, too far away from the caves. There was no one else nearby.

He still started calling for help.

* * *

 

The muscles in Wells arms burned as he tried to climb up the cliff. It was steep but the vines were thick and strong and could easily carry his weight.

From below his father shouted encouragement. 

Suddenly his left foot slipped and involuntarily he screamed as he held on tightly with his arms. The falling sensation in his stomach lingered and shaking with effort he slowly felt his way into a secure spot to set his foot before he could relax his arms for a moment.

„Are you alright, son?“, Jaha shouted.

_Yes, just risking my life for you and your visions_ , he thought bitter and continued to climb. 

He was drenched in sweat when he reached the plane. The door let itself open easy. He rolled inside and was lying there on his back for a moment to catch his breath.

When he got up, he saw the stowage full of crates and cases. He yelped involuntarily when he found the corpse in the back, old and shriveled, long dead. He wore the gown of a priest but when Wells checked his pockets he found a gun. When he tried the radio all he heard was static. And when he opened one of the crates he couldn’t help himself but laugh in disbelief.

„Wells, what do you see?! Wells?!“

He went to the front of the plane and leaned out of the broken window, „You want to know what's in your damn plane, Dad?!“

The Virgin Mary statue landed right in front of his father and broke open to reveal bags of heroin. 

„Here's your sign! This plane was used to smuggle drugs. Heroin, that's all that's in here!“

His father looked up and his face was desperate. „I don't understand. I don't understand.“

Wells turned away, too angry to look at his father. He decided to search again in case he overlooked something. He sorted through some maps and took another look at the instrument panel when suddenly the metal hull around him started to groan and shifted. Wells was pushed hard against the control board. The nose of the plan started to topple over but then it stopped with a jolt.

„Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckme.“ he gasped as the sensation of vertigo lingered in his stomach. Beads of sweat were dropping down from his chin and he saw his father crouching at the edge of the clearing where he left him. 

His father shouted and motioned for him to get out. With shaky legs and holding onto whatever was near to him Wells slowly retreated to the door.

„ … llo?“

Wells snapped around and gaped at the radio with wide eyes. Outside his father was shouting for him to bring himself to safety before the plane crashed.

„ … llo, some … ere…“

_If the plane crashes the radio will be destroyed_ , Wells thought, _This might be our only chance for rescue._

The machine around him ached against the canopy and the gravity that was pulling it down.

Wells took a decision and etched back to the control panel. „Hello! Hello? Anybody out there? Mayday, mayday!“

His father screamed from the bottom of the cliff. „Wells, there's no time! Get out now!“

Then, the radio responded. It was a female voice. „Who … there?“

Wells started to laugh. _We are saved!_

„Hello! Yes, hello! I’m here, can you hear me?!“

„Repeat … transmission, please.“ The voice was almost drowned out by the poor connection and the plane around him groaning. The aching became louder and more urgent with every second but Wells held on tight onto the radio and was dizzy with excitement and fear. 

_We are saved!_

Outside his father screamed again for him to get out. 

Suddenly he felt the plane tilting. He struggled to repeat, „We are survivors of the crash of Oceanic flight 815, please copy!“

The woman on the radio answered. „ … we … survivors of Oceanic 815 …“

„What?“

„We … hear … who … to?“

„Wells. Name is Wells, we crashed with Oceanic 815, please copy!“

„… Oce … too …“

The plane shifted again and Wells realized that he was too late. He put the radio close to his lips as he felt the hull flipping forward. 

His voice cracked. He felt a sudden calm coming over him. Fear, too.

„I’m … I’m going to fall …“

The woman calling his name was the last thing he heard. Then the plane crashed nose first into the ground.

* * *

 

Maya ripped her eyes open and said, „They’ve stopped.“

Bellamy almost groaned. _Too good to be true._ „That happens, I think.“

Maya laughed and let go of his hand. Her hair was wet with sweat and sticking to her pale skin. „No, no, no, they're not coming anymore. I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm okay.“ 

Before, Bellamy had tried to move her but a few meters was as far as Maya could go. If Bellamy counted it correctly her contractions were coming every two minutes or less. He had called for help but no one had heard them.

And he couldn’t leave her alone to get help.

_„Mum, the ambulance is not here yet.“ – „The baby is coming! Get the blanket.“ – „My brave boy. You have a sister. You should name her.“ – „My sister, my responsibility.“_

She tried to stand up.

„No. Maya, I don't think that you should be doing….“ But she just waved him off, „No, no, no. I'm okay, really.“

Suddenly she looked down and he saw a pool of fluid running down her legs and darkening the ground underneath her. Bellamy held her steady and made her look at him „Maya, I think your water just broke.“

„No, no, no … No, I can't have the baby now.“

„Just hold on…"

„I can't have the baby now!“, she started to cry.

„Maya! Look at me. Look, you got to let me go get Clarke! Please!“ He tried to stand up but she held onto him so hard her fingernails scratched his skin open. „Don’t leave me alone, please, don’t leave me alone!!“

Bellamy dropped back onto his knees. „Okay, okay! It’s alright. It’s alright, I’m still here, I won’t go anywhere.“

Maya pinched her eyes together as a new contraction shook her small body and she screamed in pain. Bellamy held her tight to his chest and hoped someone would hear them. 

„I'm not ready for this. I'm not … I'm so scared. I'm scared.“

„Hey. Hey, Maya, look at me. I’m scared, too. But we're going to get through this together, okay?“

She stared at him and he continued, „You know, I was there when O was born. She was so stubborn, already before she was even in this world. She couldn’t wait for the ambulance to arrive so my Mum had to give birth in our living room. I was with her the whole time. I was five, but I helped her. Everything worked out fine. I got you, okay?“

He said it with more conviction than he felt but just seeing the relief in Mayas eyes was enough for Bellamy for now. He remembered his mother talking to him about what she was doing, like she had always told him everything she knew and learned and thought.

_„Bellamy, listen to me, look at me. The contractions are 60 seconds apart. You sister wants to come now, we cannot wait anymore. I got to push! It will hurt and I will scream, but I will be fine. Don’t be afraid! You are here with me, you will have to help me, understand? I will push, not too hard, not too fast. Remind me of that, my sweet boy. Tell me when the head is clear. After that, I have …. ah!… I have to push as hard as I can, okay? Remind me, tell me this! When the baby is out make sure you clear it's nose and it's mouth, okay? You understand?“_

„Maya, I have to take a look to see how far you are.“

Maya nodded and leaned back. She was already torn and bleeding but it seemed like it was notan unusual amount. It seemed normal considering the circumstances. 

„Okay, Maya …“, he settled between her legs, „I think this is about the time you're supposed to start pushing, okay? So, push.“

Maya held her breath.

„Oh no, no, no, don’t hold your breath, Maya. You won't be able to push if you – …“

She did not let go. 

„Maya? What are you doing? You need to push, right now! Don't do this, Maya, okay? You can't stop this, this is happening. Your baby is coming and I need your help!“

Maya gasped for air and tears were streaming down her face. „It's not going to want me!“

„What?“

„It knows I don't want it. That I was going to give it away, that’s why I was going to L.A. It’s where the couple lives who wanted to adopt it. Babies know that stuff, it will not want me!“

Bellamy swallowed hard. He reached out and gripped her chin, made her look at him. „Do you want this baby now, Maya? Do you want it to be healthy and safe?“ 

At first, she was still and then she nodded. 

He moved his hand from her chin to cup her cheek.

„Okay, then the baby knows that, too. You are not alone in this. We are all here for you, me and Jasper, Clarke and Anya and Wells and everyone will be there and protect it and love it, okay?“, hewiped a strand of her hair from her face, „This baby is all of ours. But I need you to push now, okay?“

Maya sobbed. Then with new determination she buried her hands in the bend of her knees and after Bellamy counted her in, she pushed. 

And then, everything was going fast.

„I think it's close. Okay, good, good, good! I can see it. I can see the top of its head. You’re almost there. You're so close, one more. Push, push, push!“

A high-pitched cry cut through the jungle. Carefully Bellamy cleared nose and mouth and placed the baby on Mayas chest. She was crying as she counted fingers and toes. 

He cried too.

* * *

 

„Maya had her baby?“ Finn was laughing, „How is she?“

It was close to nightfall outside when Clarke reached the caves and told the good news. She smiled. „Perfectly fine, but still a bit shaken. It’s a beautiful, healthy baby. A boy. She named him Aaron.“

She put down her backpack to wash her face with clean water. „Now we need practically everything we can spare to make diapers. _Lots_ of diapers.“

Harper and Monroe wanted to set to the task and asked if they could see the baby straight away.

„They are sleeping right now with Jasper watching over them like a hawk and pretty much everybody else too. They had a long day. You will have enough time to spoil the boy rotten, don’t worry. For now I just need some necessities and fresh water I can take back to the beach.“

Finn squeezed her shoulder. „Well done, Clarke!“

She shook her head. „Wasn’t me. It was Bellamy who was with her when she gave birth. It went very fast. “

Finn stared at her with open mouth. „What?“

„Maya had a nightmare last night, a bad one. She screamed herself awake. She was so scared and this morning she just disappeared. Jasper was freaking out! Bellamy ran into her by chance. She was all alone in the jungle and the contractions had already started.“

„He helped her give birth?“

Clarke had to laugh. „I had the exact same look on my face. I don’t know who was more exhausted, Maya or him …“

They turned around when a ruckus erupted outside. Jaha busted in. Wrapped around his shoulders was Wells motionless, bloody body. „Clarke, help!“

Clarke sprang into action right away. „Put him down up here. What happened?“

Jaha was shaking with exhaustion. His clothes were brown with blood. „There was an accident. He … He fell off a cliff out near the place we were hunting.“

Clarke pulled at the collar of Wells T-Shirt and ripped it open to reveal the bloody battlefield that was his chest. „Okay, I'm going to need some water, shirts, towels, anything that I can use to staunch the bleeding. Now!“

Monroe surged forward and only hesitating a second before she put her hands on the wound and pressed. 

Without looking, Clarke shouted, „Theolonius, tell me exactly what happened. Theolonius? Jaha?!“ Jaha?!“

When he was not responding, she turned around. 

He was gone. 


	11. Day 20/21 - The Life and Death of Wells Jaha

 

_Northern California, 8 years earlier_

 

„Dad?“

_„… Wells?“_

„Hi Dad.“

_„What is going on? It’s the middle of the night? Where are you?“_

„Can you pick me up?“

_„What?“_

„I’m close to Scott’s place. I had too much to drink and don’t want to drive home.“

_„You drank?“_

„Yes, Sir.“

_„ … I’m coming.“_

Wells was proud of himself.

He did the right thing, calling his father. It was a decision worthy of him. 

The fact that he was piss-drunk really made this a no-brainer. He was not able to walk a straight line. So he left his car, swayed to the next phone booth and after several attempts – no point in lying about his malfunctioning hand-coordination – he managed to punch his landline home number to rouse his father awake at 3:30am in the morning and telling him where he was located.

He was after all a 16-year old teenage boy hanging out with his best friends. Wasn’t he supposed to do things like this? 

And as Scott’s oldest sister had come home from college where she had acquired a fake ID, a nipple piercing, weed and a new sense of spirituality (in that order) and was now happy to share most of the above, his father really could not blame him for taking an opportunity at extended life experience.

Sure, the moment Lauren realized, Wells and her brother’s three other friends where not particularly interested in the general being of Mother Earth and the means to protecting her, but more in the piece of metal that was pressing through the thin fabric of her shirt, she had been disappointed and took the weed with her … Well, it had not been Wells’s finest hour, but no one could blame him for not being responsible about it _now_. 

„I can’t believe you go drunk on a school night!“

„Exams are over.“

„That is no excuse!“

„I was not excusing myself.“

„Don’t smartass me.“

„No sir.“

Theolonius Jaha squinted his eyes and stared at the road ahead.

„Sir, I think I have to throw up.“

„Wha…“

The moment Jaha was not looking at the street was the one he hit the red light and the other car smashed right into theirs.

Wells broke his arm.

His father broke his spine.

The moment the doctors explained them both that his father would never be able to walk again, Wells did the responsible thing: He looked for an empty room, locked himself in and started crying so hard that his voice was raspy for the next hours.

* * *

 

_Day 20_

 

„Come on, out of the way! I need room. Steady now!“ Clarke shouted and together with Harper and Finn, she carried Wells into the back cavity of the caves.

„Wells, can you hear me? It is okay. We got you, okay?“

He just moaned in pain. Someone asked what happened and Finn said that Wells fell down a cliff, while Clarke used the tip of a knife to cut his shirt away completely. „Hold steady.“

„Clarke, his leg!“ Harper urged with a panicking voice and Clarke hissed, „Yes, _I know._ He is bleeding. Keep him steady, damn it. You’ve got to press harder than that, Monroe!“

Monroe almost sobbed. „I know. I’m… I’m trying.“

„Alright, easy now! Harper, bring me a pair of scissors from my bag. And bandages! Monroe, Harper is going to switch places with you. I need a mesh. Bring me one!“

Suddenly Wells breathing came grueling and desperate like he was having trouble inhaling. Clarke cursed.

„What is going on?!“

„His lung just collapsed.“ Clarke tore at some tubing and opened a bottle of peroxide to pour over Wells open chest. He groaned in pain. Then she took a thin metal stake in one hand and felt for his ribs with the other. Wells breath labored on while everybody else in the cave was holding theirs.

With force Clarke stabbed the stake into Wells chest and he took in a long, wet gasp of air.

„Okay, good Wells. That’s good. A little bit of tube in that and you are going to be just fine“, she said while she inserted the tubing and slowly Wells lungs reinstalled themselves with air. Clarke took a deep breath.

„Finn, go to the beach. Raid my tent, everything I have, bandages, clothing, bring all the alcohol, bring everything!“

Finn was still staring at the body at his feet while Clarke moved around, inspecting the wounds until she saw he was still there and shouted, „What are you still doing here? You want him to live – get to the beach, now!“  


* * *

_Sydney, 25 days earlier_

 

„Look, the Walkabouts we arrange are not just some … _stroll_ through the park. It’s trekking across vast stretches of desert, rafting treacherous waters…“

„I assure you I’m aware of that.“

The travel agent pointed at Wells father sulking next to Wells, „Apparently _he_ isn’t.“

His father looked up. „ _He_ is present to this discussion and _I_ think you got no idea who you’re talking to! I’m well aware of what is involved! I probably know more on the subject than you desk jockey.“

„Dad! Please!“, Wells rubbed his tired eyes. How was it that 28 hours ago he was fast asleep in L.A. and now, suddenly, on the Australian continent? Bailing his father out?

The travel agent seemed annoyed. Which seemed fair, Wells presumed, since obviously he’s been re-living this discussion with his erratic father for the last day and a half since the call.

_„Sorry, Mr. Jaha, to disturb you at this hour. I’m calling from Melbourne Walkabout Tours. I have not other way to say this, but this is concerning your father …“_

The agent was closing the folder in front of him and Wells felt his T-Shirt clinging onto his back despite the AC humming in the corner of the office room. His father was sitting next to him in his old wheelchair. It still had the duck tape on one of the handles because Wells hadn’t been able to get around to repairing it with his internship demanding most of his free time. 

„Sir, in any case, it's a trying ordeal for someone in peak physical condition, let alone…“

„Look, I booked this tour a month ago! You’ve already got my money. I demand a place on that bus!“

„You misrepresented yourself…“

„I never lied.“

„You misrepresented yourself by omission, Mr. Jaha. You neglected to tell us about your condition.“

His father was fuming. „My condition is not an issue. I’ve lived with it for eight years. And it’s never kept me from doing anything.“

Wells cleared his throat. „Father, you have to see that this is not working for you.“

„And no one asked you to come here!“, Theolonius hissed in the direction of his son.

„We called him and flew him in instead of calling the police, Mr. Jaha. And MWT can get you both on a plane back to Sydney on our dime. Please consider this as our company’s personal goodwill for this … mishap.“

„Mishap?“ his father shouted at the same time as Wells offered his gratitude. 

His father was beside himself. „No! I don’t want to go back to Sydney! Look I’ve been preparing for this for years. Just put me on one of the busses, right now, I can do this.“

The agent eyed the wheelchair and his expression was full of pity. In a low voice he said definitely, „No, you can’t, Mr. Jaha. I’m sorry.“

Wells swallowed hard as his father became silent. Wells and the travel agent spoke about the arrangements for their travel back to L.A. and when he stood up to shook Wells’s hand and to leave, his father snapped.

„Hey, hey, don’t you walk away from me!“

„Dad!“, Wells stood up.

„You don’t know who you’re dealing with. Don’t ever tell me what I can’t do, ever!“

The agent left. Wells unlocked the brakes of the wheelchair and started to push his father to the exit, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat.

He tried to ignore the tears in his fathers eyes as he continued to yell, „This is destiny. This is destiny. _This is my destiny!_ I’m supposed to do this, dammit! Don’t tell me what I can’t do. Don’t tell me what I can’t..."

* * *

 

_Day 20_

 

Clarke cut the thread from where she had stitched the last of Wells chest wounds. He was delirious but it was impossible to understand what he was saying. 

They had set up torches but the light still bad. 

Clarke wiped the sweat from her forehead with her arm. „He needs blood. We need to make a transfusion.“

Harper looked up from where she tried to clean Wells face as good as possible. „How will you do that?“

„I don't know. I’ll figure it out. After I set the leg.“ She ripped Wells pants to get to the wound. She inspected it with gentle movements of her fingers and said, „It’s a closed fracture but I think I can set it.“

„Can you sew him?“

„He has lost a lot of blood. I wonder how far Jaha had to carry him.“

With determination Harper put a small stick between Wells teeth. „For the pain.“ 

Clarke nodded. „Hold his shoulders. And hold tight, this will hurt.“

Harper nodded in return. Clarke gripped his leg on his ankle and steadied herself. Then she yanked to set the bone. 

The stick fell away while Wells screamed in pain. 

* * *

 

_Day 12_  


 

She held one of the small plane bottles of whiskey.

„You are drunk. I’d rather you not drink.“

„I’m most certainly not drunk!“, Clarke debunked him and took another sip. She was. The heat, their diet and the blow to her head together with the little hours she was sleeping was working fairly well in combination with the alcohol.

Wells laughed at her and she flipped him off.

„You are a very rude doctor.“

„Why are you not drunk with me?“

„I’m not drinking.“

„Then you are a very serious law student.“

„Who would have thought you could be fun?“

„I am fun!“, Clarke rose up to her elbows and glared at him. He was sitting next to her at her fire and she was lying in the sand. She still wore a bandage on her forehead from the day before and Anya was still adamant to have Clarke monitored for a concussion. Wells had suggested to relieve the other woman from her watch duties. 

Clarke groaned. „I hate this. I’m fine. I’m the doctor, I should _know!“_

„No chance, Clarke.“

They were silent for a few moments then he asked, „Is he still not talking to you?“

„Nope“, Clarke answered, „I was being stupid.“

„You were being careful."

„I accused him of murdering someone!“

Wells nodded. „We are in a situation, Clarke, that is very difficult to handle. People snap. People do things they never thought they could do. He will get around.“

„Bellamy is as stubborn as a mule.“

„But much better looking.“

„Well, well, well … You are into him, Jaha?“

„No“, he grinned, „But are _you_ hitting that?“

„What?“

„Come on, Clarke! You two are fighting like a married couple and people talk. Plane crash, tropical beach. You both survived. He is hot. Your are hot. That’s what people do.“

„I’m not. I really am not, Wells, stop laughing!“

„Okay, okay. I’m sorry.“

Clarke sulked for a moment. „I mean … sure, he is attractive. But I don’t even like him as a person! It’s just that … we seem to work very well together, that’s all.“

Wells mmh-d.

„Why were you in Sydney?“, she asked.

Wells was quite for a moment. „I had to pick up my father.“

„Why? What was he doing there?“

„Finding himself or something … It’s tricky.“

They were silent for a long time until Clarke whispered. „I had to pick up my father, too.“

Wells stared at her with open eyes. „Was he … did he … in the crash?“

Clarke shook her head. „No. He died in Sydney. A car accident. Someone had to come over to identify his body. I had to take his corpse back to the States. They were waiting for us at the airport with a car.“

Wells thought for a moment, „Your dress at that first day … you were going to his funeral?“

She nodded and wiped a tear away. „I don’t know what happened to the coffin. Maybe it drowned somewhere with the tail section.“

They were silent again. Clarke extended her hand and he took it and held it.

* * *

 

_Day 20/21_

 

„Wells, can you hear me? What is your blood type? Wells, please listen. What is your blood type?“, Harper looked up to Clarke, who was trying to make a needle out of bamboo.

„He is in shock, Clarke, he won’t answer!“

Clarke cursed. „Bamboo won’t work. But none of it actually even matters because I don't know his blood type, not to mention that his injuries …“ She stopped herself. „Okay. We need 0 negative. Harper, grab everybody and go find someone with that blood type.“

„Why?“

„0 negative is an universal donor. It’s not ideal, it’s not a match. The blood could put him into anaphylactic shock – stop his heart. But it is the only chance we got. Go! Everybody has to ask everybody, understand?“

She nodded and dashed away.

Finn came into the secluded part of the cave. „You have to drink, Clarke.“

She ignored him. „What is your blood type, Finn?"

„A negative. Why?“

„Wells needs a transfusion. I’m A too.“ Frustrated she threw a useless piece of seat belt in the corner. „But I have no needle hollow enough to pierce his vein. I have bamboo for fuck’s sake.“

Clarke rubbed her face. It was silent except for Wells wet breathing. He moaned in pain and Clarke felt helpless when the idea suddenly struck her.

„Sea urchin.“

„What?“

„A few days ago, someone stepped into a sea urchin at the beach. I had to remove it. It was a pain because their spines are hollow and sharp. It could work!“

Clarke tipped and emptied a cooler and pushed it into Finns hands. „Fill it with sea water, get me a sea urchin. They are everywhere at the beach. Where the boulders are. Don’t break off their spines!“ 

Finn nodded and left. 

Clarke took Wells face into her hands. His skin was pale in the light of the torches and despite the hight humidity and heat, his sweat was cold too. 

He was neither really here nor there but Clarke urged him with hard voice. „Wells, listen! You are not going to die. I’m going to fix this, okay? I am going to save you.“

She let that settle for a moment before she started preparing the tubes for the transfusion.

It took Finn almost two hours to return with the sea urchin. He was followed by Bellamy and Octavia. Octavia gasped when she saw Wells body but Bellamy was already hitching up his sleeve. 

„O and I are both universal donors.“

Clarke felt relief washing over her and before she knew it she hugged him. Bellamy froze for a moment but then he wrapped his arms around her as well. Crushed against his chest Clarke felt like not being able to breathe was a good thing for the first time that night.

He let go first and presented her his arm. „We got to hurry.“

Finn dragged something next to Wells for Bellamy to sit on while Clarke put a tourniquet under his biceps and with trained movements tapped this vein with the sea urchin needle. 

„Pump your fist.“ He did and the blood was flowing through the tube into Wells arm.

Suddenly, Wells started moving and his eyes glared with fever. His voice was hoarse. 

„I screwed myself up pretty bad, huh? My leg, it hurts.“

Clarke checked his pulse, the transfusion and then she gently put a hand to Wells cheek. „Don’t try moving. Can you breathe okay?“

„It fell on me.“

Clarke saw Finn and Bellamy exchanging frowns and Octavia asked, „What fell?“

„A plane. It was a plane.“

„Jaha said you fell from a cliff!“

„No – it was … It fell … the plane. The woman.“

„No, Wells, stay with me. Hey, stay with me.“

„Dad said, not to tell. The plane. There … was a woman. On the radio…“

„Wells, what did Jaha do?“, Bellamy asked, taking Wells hand in his, „What woman? What radio?“

Wells eyes fluttered. He went unconscious again. 

* * *

 

_Day 18_

 

„This is a problem, man.“ Wells looked at him, concerned.

Bellamy stamped on the ground with his foot. He was unsure. „Yeah. It’s a problem.“

Wells crossed his arms in front of his chest and shrugged. „I mean, I know what I would do.“

„Should I go for it?“

Wells whistled while he was breathing out. „Your call, man.“

Bellamy nodded. „Okay.“ He turned and extended his hand. With somber expression he announced, „Give me a seven iron.“

Wells smiled approvingly. „You got it, man.“

He pulled out the golf club from the case and handed it to Bellamy.

He took the position but got back up again and waved at Monroe and Jasper who were standing next to the flag, whirling their hips to taunt him. „Hey, heads up over there!“

Monroe shouted back. „No chance, you won’t get anywhere near us!“

Bellamy hit the ball. He didn’t even got anywhere near them. Monroe and Jasper hooted in triumph and high fived each other while Bellamy rubbed his neck. „Man, I suck at golf.“

Wells clapped his shoulder in encouragement. „It’s okay. Leave it to the doctors and lawyers.“

Bellamy raised an eyebrow and grinned wolfish. „Doctors, huh?“

„Oh, she denies it, but I saw her practicing her swing.“

They laughed and waited for Monroe and Jasper coming back from the flag. Behind them the next group was already waiting their turn. 

* * *

 

_Day 21_

 

„It’s not working.“

Bellamy looked up. He was pale despite his natural tan. Brusquely Clarke ripped the transfusion tube out of his arm and he hissed from the sharp sting.

„Clarke?!“, Octavia rushed to her brother, „What are you doing?“

„He has given him enough. The blood is not the problem. It’s the leg. All the blood is pooling there. He didn’t get this injury from a fall. Something crushed his leg. He didn’t fall. His leg was pinned under something heavy.“

While Clarke examined the swollen leg Wells jerked and twitched with pain and Harper tried to carefully cool him down with a wet cloth.

„I don’t understand why Jaha would lied about how his own son got injured!“, Finn asked.

Clarke pulled at her hair roots and thought hard. „We need to bring him to the cargo container.“ 

They all turned to stare at the steel container with the metal slide door that was standing in the next cave cavity holding supplies. 

„Why?“ Harper asked and put the opening of the bottle to Wells lips but he started to choke. When she removed a piece of cloth from his mouth it was red, „Clarke!“

Clarke stared at the blood stain with empty eyes but then she just continued talking. „It will work like a guillotine.“

„What? A guillotine? What are you doing?!“

„The right leg is filling with blood. If I don’t stop it I won’t be able to save him. The leg is dead.“ She turned and saw Finn, Bellamy, Harper and Octavia all staring at her. „I will amputate. Finn, Octavia, help me carry him. On three …"

„Clarke!“

Clarke furiously wiped at her hair to stay away from her face and motioned them to take the edges of the blanket Wells was lying on. „One, Two, Three …“

Harper shouted, „Why are you doing this? He is bleeding inside.“

Clarke ignored her and Finn and Octavia exchange worried glances but it was clear that Clarke would not back down. Slowly they helped her carrying Wells beaten body to the cargo container where she put a tourniquet on his leg.

„Clarke, think about this.“ Bellamy urged but she just waved him away. He felt dizzy from the transfusion and had to hold on to the next best thing to not topple over himself.

„You don’t need to be here for this if you can’t take it, Bellamy!“, she dismissed him but he gripped her arm, harder than necessary to make her pause. She glared at him.

„You are not helping him! You can’t save him, Clarke. You just can’t!"

„Don’t tell me what I can’t do!“, she shouted and Bellamy let her go like he burned himself.

She held onto the cargo door and pressed her forehead against the metal, praying, when Wells shifted. „Wait …“

Clarke gasped. „Wells … I have to, if I don’t …"

„I’m all messed up inside. There’s … no chance. Really. I mean, … look where we are.“

Clarke surged forward and took his face into her hands. „I’m not going to let you give up, you understand me?“

„I know you made a … promise. But I’m letting you off the hook, Clarke.“

She sobbed. „I’m so sorry. Wells …“

„Don’t be.“

His last breath was a whisper. 

Then he was gone.

* * *

 

Clarke leaned forward and closed his eyes.

„What are we going to do now?“ someone asked.

Everybody stared at her and when she turned around she met Bellamy’s eyes. He was a looming presence behind her and she wiped the tears away from her face.

„We have to … tell … the others, they have to … know.“ He was pale and had to sit down.

Clarke couldn’t breathe. Without looking up she left, the excuse of burying the wasted bandages feeble on her lips.

She walked long and far and with twists and cuts deeper into the jungle where she finally broke down and cried and sobbed and tore at her hair and her clothes.

_Wells. Wells. Wells. Wells. Wells. Wells. Wells. Wells._

_It was not enough time. Not enough time …_

She didn’t knew how long she was there. Somewhere on her right side the sun was rising.

Eventually, he found her.

Of course he did. He always did.

„Clarke.“ 

He was crouching in front of her, gently stroking the wisps of hair back from her face, wiping at tears and snot and Clarke saw his face. He had tears in his eyes, too.

She surged forward and kissed him on the mouth and he caught her immediately, cradling her face. Without waiting, Clarke pushed her tongue into his mouth and then pulled the shirt over his head and he was with her again, pushing hers up too, pulling at the hairband to let her hair fall free before snapping her bra open. 

Gently, he laid her down in the soft jungle soil and Clarke closed her eyes, emptied her mind, let herself fall away while Finn murmured her name like a prayer against her skin.

* * *

 

Jaha was stumbling through the darkness of the jungle. In his back, the sky turned from a dark purple to a bright red as she was rising and his son was dead.

His legs were carrying him in strong strides deeper into the heart of the island while he cried and sobbed and doubted. At some point his foot was caught in a vine and he fell into the mud where he stayed and cried harder, pulling at greens and dirt and beating his fist into the ground that took his son.

Eventually, he sat up and screamed.

„I have done everything you wanted me to do! So why did you do this to me?!“


	12. Day 21 – Maternity Leave

Wells would have looked like he was asleep if he wouldn’t have been so pale and bloody.

„Bellamy …?“

He looked up and saw his sister kneeling in front of him. „Are you sure you are okay to go back to the beach?“

„I’m fine.“

„You haven't slept. You gave Wells your own blood.“

„I said I’m fine.“

„If you need to rest …“

„ _I’m fine!_ “, he interrupted her harsher than necessary but didn’t apologize. His body tingled painfully as if his limps had gone dead. 

Clarke never returned to the cave after she fled. Finn went after her and didn’t return either. The sun was up now, a grave silence was blowing up in the caves and everybody moved extra careful, extra slow.

Bellamy put the tarp over Wells face, tucked it in and then moved to shoulder the stretcher they made to carry his corpse back to the beach. One of the other cave residents hesitantly took the other end and before any of the others could protest, Bellamy stoically marched forward towards the beach. 

They would have to tell the others. 

They would have to bury him.

* * *

 

It was not like Wells was the first death they experienced since their crash. All of them had been hard, in their own way, at their own time. But when Bellamy was to tell the rest of the survivors on the beach camp about what happened, his voice broke. 

What could he say?

_Wells is dead. He died because his father lied. He found a plane, but we don’t know if that was real or not. We might never know what happened. Jaha fled. He is responsible for the death of his son. This is a fact. Wells’s death has no meaning. It is a waste, an useless waste of life. Clarke fled too because the pressure got to her, is too high for her to handle. Finn is gone as well because he goes where ever Clarke goes. They might come back. They might die, too. I don’t know. If they are dead, chance are high we will all die as well._

People grew restless. Monroe and Harper next to him starred, worried.

_This is harder. So much harder._

„Wells is dead. He … died.“

The silence was harder, deeper, more gut-wrenching. People started crying. _Wells is a good guy. No. Was, he was a good guy._

„What happened?“, someone asked. Lexa. Unfazed. Clinical.

Bellamy swallowed. 

„He fell. He bleed … internally. There was nothing we could do. We will bury him… where the others are.“

Bellamy was at a lost, so he just started digging a grave next to where they buried the Air Marshall and put up signs for Joanna and Atom.  Octavia urged him to rest, but he ignored her and shoveled the sand with more aggressive gusto. When the rest gathered around for the funeral, he still didn’t knew what else he could say. 

He should say something.

_ Wells had been a good guy. _

His head was spinning.

„Where is Jaha?“, someone asked. „Where is Clarke?“ 

„Where is Finn?“, someone else added.

Bellamy malmed his teeth together.

The group was unsettled. 

_We all died. We should all be able to start over_ , he had said to Anya once. He had been wrong. They died, but they did not start over.

„What really happened to Wells, Bellamy?“

„Where is his father?“

Suddenly Miller stepped forward. He cleared his throat, fist buried deep into his jeans pockets. 

„I didn't know Wells very well. But … on our seventh day here Joanna died. She drowned. I almost died too, trying to go after her. Wells saved my life. He couldn’t save Joannas. It was hard on him. I didn't know him very well but I remember his courage and his kindness. I know he was a good person. And I know he will be missed.“

The sounds of the crashing water in their backs was deafening while everybody was looking at the grave in front of them and no one was looking to the edge of the jungle next to them until, suddenly, another voice spoke up.

„He was my son.“ Jahas voice was thick with tears and his clothes full of blood, „He was my son.“

Everybody froze. He snapped.

„Bellamy, no!“ 

Octavia tried to hold him back but despite his fatigue he was fast. Jaha didn’t protect himself as he threw a heavy punch and the older man hit the sand. 

„Where were you?! Where were you? _Where the hell were you, you son of a bitch?!_ “

Bellamy stood over him and punctuated every word with another bunch, left, right, left, right, again and again until Monty, Anya, Monroe and Miller were able to drag him away. He strained again them with his last spurt of energy.

Jaha struggled to get up. His lip was cut open and his nose was bleeding. 

„It was my fault. We … we found a plane, an old Beechcraft, in the jungle. It was lodged in the canopy so … I would have gone up, but … my leg was hurt so he … There was a radio inside and he thought he could … His weight must have made the plane shift and it fell! It happened because he was trying to help us!“

Bellamy pulled himself away from the others but swayed on weak knees.

_Murderer. Murderer._

„Bell, wait! Are you okay? “ Octavia rushed forward again but he shouted, „You left him to die! You lied to us! You lied about what happened! _You murdered him!_ Where were you?!“

Jaha sobbed again. „He was my son. He was a hero. But the island … we are not allowed to leave! I know that now. It is my fault. I didn’t protect him. We are here for a reason that is not fulfilled yet. We cannot leave! The island won’t let us.“

Bellamy strode forward as to attack the older man once more but then, finally, his strained body betrayed him. 

He collapsed in the sand. 

* * *

 

The group erupted in panic and as everybody was rushing to see what happened. 

Anya shouted for water and Octavia dragged her brother on his back and saw his eyes flying around without orientation. 

„He's okay! Just breathe, Bell. Breathe.“

„He gave too much blood, give him space. Give him space!“

Slowly and with the help of Miller Octavia helped Bellamy to stand up and together they lead him through the beach camp, closely followed by Anya.

„He’s lying … Wells said … before … Jaha is lying.“

„You’re suffering from fatigue“, Anya responded but Bellamy insisted, „Jaha told Wells not to tell!“

„Tell about what?“

„Jaha is hiding something.“

„Bellamy, lis- …“

„Look, the man is hiding something!“

„Bellamy, listen to me. What we need is for you to get some sleep. With Clarke gone you are the only one left, okay?“

„I'm fine. She … I don't need it.“

Octavia was having none of it and they carried him to his tent with his attempts of struggling against them feeble, his skin pale, his sweat ice cold and his body shaking.

Anya returned shortly after with one of their last juice packs from the plane and Octavia forced her brother to drink it while the older woman stood watch, arms crossed over her chest. Bellamy pressed the juice back into Octavias hand but she refused. „A little more.“

„No.“

„You need to get your blood sugar level up. Stopp being such a baby!“

„Look, enough already. I’ve rested.“ He tried to get up, „I'm fine.“

„Where are you going?“

„I'm going to go talk to Jaha again.“

„You punched Jaha to pulp is what you did. What you need to do is to lie down!“

„No, I don’t."

With calm voice Anya said, „I strongly advise it.“

„Advise?“, but the moment he said it he had to sit back again and he looked at them disorientated, trying to find something to hold on to with his hands. He found Anya, who was now next at his side and slowly helping him lie back. 

„Advise, I … what is going on?“

„Just lie down, okay? I crushed up some sleeping pills and put them in your juice.“

„Why would you … you drugged me?!“

„Yeah.“

„Oh, …okay.“

Bellamys eyes closed and his body relaxed and his breathing became calm and low. With a surge of affection, Octavia wiped away a strand of hair from his forehead. In his sleep, Bellamy looked much younger, the worry-lines gone from his face and mouth slightly open like a child.

„Good night, big brother.“ 

* * *

 

Jasper just couldn’t get over the fact how small the little turnip head was. He guessed it made sense that since his mother was also small and petite, but Jesus! Aaron was not bigger than a watermelon. 

He was also fuzzy and squirmish.  


Maya walked up and down in front of her tent, anxiously, trying to settle her newborn down. She had deep shadows under her eyes.

He picked at his fingernails and casually suggested over the pitiful screams of the little one that maybe he should try it.

Maya snapped at him. „It's okay. Look, I'm fine, really, okay?“

„You need rest, Maya. In a hospital they would have you sleep. The nurses would take your baby.“

„Yeah, but I'm not in a hospital, am I?“  


„Well, all the more reason to take extra care. Look, it's okay, I can take care of turnip-head for a while.“ Jasper extended his arms to her.

Maya swirled back. „Turnip-head?!“

Jasper gulped. „It's just what I'm calling him because his head - … it's like a turnip.“

Maya stared him down for a moment before she snorted and quizzically eyed the head of her child. The tension in her shoulders vanished as her resolve loosened a bit. 

„What if he needs something?“

„You'll be there for him - … after you sleep.“

„No, okay? No.“

Jasper squeezed her elbow. Aaron whined.  


Maya groaned and finally she did see reason. „Just be really careful, okay? Make sure if he gets hot that you take his blanket off- … his neck, okay, got his neck?“

„Got it.“ 

Jasper felt proud holding little Aaron. Maya was unsure what to do and only went to lie down when he urged her again.

Jasper swayed Aaron back and forth in the cradle of his arms and felt quite confident but Aron just wouldn’t settle down.

He realized that despite the initial happiness of Mayas adventurous and successful giving birth to their new fellow cast away, people send him annoyed looks if he stayed with the screaming baby too long in front of their camp.

Since the morning and the burial the mood was depressed. With Wells death and Bellamy loosing his shit over Jaha and breaking down and Clarke vanishing and their general … well, hopeless situation the idea of having a baby and raising it stranded on an island with no hope of rescue was sitting heavy on their mind.

He sang. „The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout, down came the rain and drowned the spider out…“

„It's washed - … washed the spider out.“ Someone said behind him and when he turned he saw Anya, a fish net over her shoulder, eying him with her guarded face.

Jasper didn’t really knew anything about Anya other that she did not answer personal questions, was part of the leadership group around Bellamy and Clarke and that, despite her cold and unapproachable exterior, she was taking care of others in her very own, very bossy special way.

That she approached them now surprised him. Before, she had shunned the baby like a plague. When Maya returned with Aaron in her arms, everybody on the beach had been in a happy frenzy (little did they knew what was coming for them!) but Jasper saw the woman turning around and literally running away from them.

He was curios what her deal was, but he didn’t dared to ask. The woman scared the shit out of Jasper. Word was she drugged Bellamy to make him rest and got away with it unharmed. The woman must have super powers or something.

Aaron fuzzed and Jasper stammered, „ Oh, okay. Down came the rain and washed the spider - … oh, shit, shhhh, shhh, shhh!“

„What's the matter?“

„I can't get the baby to stop crying.“

„Maybe it's hungry?“

„Nope, Maya nursed him just before.“ 

Anya eyed the baby in his arms. „Well, calm him down would you?“  
  
When Anya turned and started to walk away, suddenly Jasper realized that Aaron was quiet. Then he immediately started to squirm again.

Jasper dived after the woman.

„Say something!“

„What?“

„Say something else. Just say something, say anything!“

„Okay, fine. I liked that thing a lot better inside than I like it outside.“

She turned away and Jasper ran after her, Aaron locked securely in his arms.

Anya walked faster.

Jasper did, too.

„ _What?!_ “ she hissed.

* * *

 

Anya stopped with a sigh and motioned toward Jasper and Aaron. „This is ridiculous.“

The same moment Aaron started fussing again and Jasper chastised her with a look that said I _-told-you-so_.

„Keep going. Keep going!“ he urged.

Anya continued reading, „The low rumble breaks the crisp fall air as a flash of red streaks down the maple-dappled Vermont highway. The … oh god help me … the 32 valve V-8 engine purrs as the transmission clicks down a gear and the vehicle unleashes all 400 horses and 350 pound feet rear-wheel torque.“

„What … are … you _doing_?“

They turned around and saw Maya with a healthy blush on her cheeks standing next to them, a hand over her mouth as to try to hide her laugh. Anya stopped reading and immediately Aaron became unsettled. Jasper shushed Maya and waved impatiently at Anya. 

„Beneath the hood the 4.4 liter power plant features a fully integrated super-charger made into a 6 speed transmission from the manual sequential shift feature. This smooth-riding sports car offers a bewitching blend of taste, comfort and economy.“

With that Anya had reached the end of the article and all of them risked a glance at Aaron who was now fully lulled into sleep.

„What was that about?“, Maya had to stifle her laugh.

„He just really, _really_ digs Anyas voice.“

Anya put the magazine away, seemingly uncomfortable and Maya asked, „You want to hold him?“

„I -… No.“

„It’s okay, he is fast asleep now.“ Before Anya could protest Maya held him out to her.

Suddenly the cold expression in the woman face washed away and she took Aaron and stared down at the little human in her arm with such a fondness that Jasper blushed watching her.

„Are you okay, Anya?“

„I- … it was a long day.“, Anya sighed, tucking the blanket around Aaron, „A very long day.“

„Still no word from Clarke?“

„No. He is beautiful, Maya.“

Maya smiled. „Yes. Yes, he is.“

* * *

 

It was close to dusk when she found him sitting at the outskirt of the camp, gazing out onto the ocean and with a barrel of a gun peeking out of his waistband. 

„I brought you something to eat.“, Anya said as she sat down next to Bellamy in the sand.

He grumbled before answering, „What is in it, chloroform?“

„Vitamins.“

He took it.

„I’m sorry for your loss, Bellamy.“

He looked at her. „We all lost him.“ Anya did not answer and for a moment they were silent expect the sounds of Bellamy eating. Only when he put the plate next to him in the sand Anya spoke up again. „Why do you have a gun?“

Bellamy returned her hard look without swatting an eye.

„I’m waiting for Jaha.“

After the scene at the beach, Jahas tent has been emptied, his clothes and tools were gone and its last remaining inhabitant had disappeared with only a pile of bloodied clothes left behind. No one knew where he left for.

„When I gave you the Haliburton I asked you if I have to worry. You said no. I’m worrying now, Bellamy.“

„I have always done what is best for us. You have to trust me that I’m doing that now.“

„I don’t trust you, Bellamy. You gave me no reason to do that. We buried the case in the jungle for a reason. Clarke is still not back and she is the only one having the key. Why do you _still_ have a gun?“

„I kept it when I went after Octavia and that monster.“

„Why?“

„To keep her safe from whatever it is that is waiting in that jungle. It almost got her once and I was not prepared. I will not make that same mistake twice. My sister, my responsibility.“

„She is fine.“

„She is not. None of us is! Octavia is not supposed to be here, and neither do you or I! Maya shouldn’t be here, Aaron was not supposed to be born on this island and _Wells was not supposed to die here!_ “

„And shooting Jaha will solve that problem?!“

Bellamy didn’t answer.

Anya continued. „I understand that you think it’s your job to keep everybody safe. And I know that most of us are acting like it is your job because its easier when you and Clarke do it for us. But Clarke is not here…“

He snorted at that but she ignored him.

„Clarke is not here. And you are beside yourself. I need you to hand me that gun.“

„You told me you were the one being escorted back in handcuffs by the Air Marshall. I don’t know what you did to deserve that. Why should _I_ trust you with a gun?“

„I’m not asking you to trust me, Bellamy, I’m asking you to do the right thing.“

„Like you did the right thing before the Air Marshall got you incarcerated?“

Anya stared at him.

„I was a cop in LA. It was supposed to be my last day on patrol because I was to be removed from active duty. But before we reported back to the station my partner and I responded to a burglary call. We were the first ones there. I covered the front and he went around the back. I was there a minute and then this kid comes right through the front door. I tell him to put his hands up and he says that I'm making a mistake. That he is just a student and he wants to show me his I.D. I believed him. I just … let him reach! All I remember was a pop. Hit me with three bullets, two in the abdomen. And by the time I hit the ground I thought I was dead. I felt dead. I was in Sydney because that is were that guy fled to. He tried to pick me up at a bar. I let him think I wanted to be picked up. I followed him to his car in the nearby garage where I pulled my gun on him. I asked if he knew who I was and he said he didn’t. I asked him for his student I.D. He looked at me and only then he remembered. I shoot him six times.“

Bellamy stared at her with wide eyes.

„I was pregnant.“

He swallowed.

„I don’t say it was the right thing. I’m saying that people make mistakes. Killing Jaha will be a mistake, Bellamy.“

„Wells didn’t deserve this.“

Anya nodded.

Bellamy stared back onto the ocean.

„Give me the gun, Bellamy.“

Suddenly they heard a yell. They spun around and stared into the jungle in their back. Bellamy scrambled up, his gun in both hands at a perfect 45 degree angle facing the sand. A bead of sweat was running down his nose. 

Anya had to remind herself once again that Bellamy was well trained. Probably better than she and in her head she was going through the motion of disarming him, bringing him down without him hurting himself or anyone else when she heard the cry again, hoarse and strangled and someone crushing through wood.

„Help! Help us!“

Two figures broke through the tree line and Anya had to gasp when she recognized one of them.

„Murphy?“

The man in front of them was dirty and he stared at them with wide, panicked blue eyes. Sweat was covering his face as he was supporting a woman on his shoulder. He clenched her arm and hip, trying to keep her on her feet with the support of his body and blood covering both of them but mostly her. It was running down from a wound at her hip down her leg that was in a brace.

Bellamy rose the gun.

„ _Bellamy_ , please!“, Murphy ached and tried to keep him and the woman upright, „She is hurt. We need Clarke!“

The woman lifted her head and Bellamy’s hands lowered the gun again. The woman blinked one, two, three times and then she smirked. 

„Hello stranger …“

Next to Anya, Bellamy was stunned. 

Then he said, „You’re alive?“  



End file.
